Married Life
by JA Baker
Summary: Nobody ever said marriage was easy, especially when you have four members. See here the (smut free) everyday life of Goblin Slayer, High Elf Archer, Cow Girl and Guild Girl as they struggle to make their unusual relationship work, regardless of how the dice land
1. Pride Goes Before A Fall

_No smut this time: just a collection of snippets showing married life for our unusual family._

 _Recommended (but not compulsory) order of reading is as follows:_

Midwinter

Wedding Night _(rated M for smut)_

Married Life _(chapters 1-6)_

Morning _(rated M for suggestive content)_

Married Life _(chapters 7-10)_

Fertility Rite _(rated M for smut)_

Married Life _(chapters 11 onwards)_

 _No character bashing intended here, but I'm sure some will take it that way regardless._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter One: Pride Goes Before A Fall**

High Elf Archer let out a deep moan of satisfaction as she slid into the bath, the hot water caressing limbs and mussels that ached from a day of hard training.

As a Ranger, she was an expert with a bow, able to hit any target, even on the move. But painful experience had taught her that the close confines of a cave or underground tunnel could place limits on just how useful her agility was, so she had started training in hand-to-hand combat with some of the other Adventurers. She'd quickly discovered that a pair of short swords complimented her natural speed and agility, the 'two blades, one sword' style of fighting almost like a dance.

But then she'd gotten overconfident, and as the humans liked to say, pride went before a fall.

Challenging Orcbolg to a sparing match was supposed to have shown her husband just how far she'd come, and she'd jokingly asked him to 'fight like a goblin'. He'd tilted his armoured head to one side, and even after all they'd been through together, she still found it almost impossible to read him when she couldn't see his face.

The fight had been short, painful, and above all embarrassing, with several other Adventures watching. Some had shouted out encouragement or advice, while others had wagered on who was going to win. It was well known that Elves were prideful, and she had been determined to put on a good show for the spectators. Unfortunately, for all her speed and newly gained skill, Orcbolg was far more experienced at hand-to-hand combat, and had disarmed her with ease. Picking her dropped swords up off the ground, she'd smiled as she demanded another match. And he'd indolged her for the all of ten seconds it took him to once again send her blades crashing to the ground.

Someone behind her had laughed, and that's when she'd lost her self control.

Dropping into a roll, she scooped up her weapons and attacked again, seeking to catch her husband off guard. But he spent almost his entire life prepared to be ambushed by goblins at any moment, so while she forced him onto the defensive for a moment, it wasn't long before her swords were once again sent spinning from her hands.

At that point he had tried to end the match, but she was a High Elf, and only victory would sate her. Dropping to the ground, she spun a leg round, seeking to knock him down while grabbing her swords once again. He managed to dodge her attack, and that gave her the time needed to spring back to her feet and drop into an attack stance. He once again called on her to stop, even offered to concede the match to her, but her sense of pride her distaine and mockery in his voice that hadn't been there. She went at him with all her speed and ferocity, putting him on the defensive.

At no point did he try and fight back, or even to hurt her, but even that she saw as a fresh humiliation. Yes, Elves were a proud people, and that pride had been their undoing more than once. And it was very nearly hers.

The crowd had fallen silent, not that she'd been paying them much attention as she lashed out again and again again her husband, but time and again he disarmed her without doing any permanent damage, even she she put fresh cuts and knocks in his armour. She screamed at him through gritted teeth to stop holding back.

"No." His voice had been remarkably calm, but she knew him well enough for her keen hearing to pick up the genuine concern in it, "I could never hurt you."

She stopped mid strike, both swords held overhead, ready to be brought do in what could have easily been a killing blow. It took her a moment to realise that she had even frozen, that her body refusing to listen to her heart or her head. She looked up at him, and her arms fell to her side. She was a High Elf Ranger, a master with the long and short bows, able to move through the forest without making a single sound. But with a blade, she was still a novice, while Orcbolg had trained until his sword was an extension of his own will. It was the hight of hubris to think that she would be his equal after only a few weeks of casual training.

Resheathing her swords, she'd turned and left the Guild Hall, not stopping until her feet had found their way home.

The water was working to sooth away her physical pain, but she knew all too well that it would take far more to heal her wounded pride. She knew that Orcbolg wouldn't hold it against her; he simply wasn't the type, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't hold it against herself.

"I heard what happened." Cow Girl appeared in the doorway, a simple towel wrapped around her, "Sounds like the two of you put on quite the show."

"I was a fool." High Elf Archer hung her head low, "I am a fool."

"Then we're all fools." her wife crossed the tiles floor and sat herself on the edge of the bath, "Did I ever tell you about the first time I entered the cheese making contest?"

"I don't believe so, no."

"It was about six years ago: I was so sure of myself that I insisted on entering the cheese making contest at the summer festival." Cow Girl picked up a comb and started to run it through the Elf's long green hair, "People from all over the region take part, and it's considered quite the boon for a farm to have a champion cheese maker in residence."

"And you lost?"

"Worse: I came second."

"That doesn't sound so bad..."

"Nobody ever remembers who came second. No merchant seeks out the second best cheese maker on the frontier. Had I come last, I could have told myself that I still had a lot to learn, but instead I proved that I was good, but just not good enough."

"So what did you do?"

"I cried for about two days straight." Cow Girl chuckled, "I was inconsolable: nothing my uncle could say or do made me feel better."

"What did?"

"The realisation that I had a whole year to practice before the next festival."

"And you won that one?"

"No: I came second again, but it didn't hurt nearly as much."

"So you won the third year?"

"No, that year my uncle was sick so I couldn't enter. But, the forth year, I won."

"And the moral of the story is?"

"That I'm really good at making cheese." Cow Girl laughed, a musical sound that never failed to raise High Elf Archer's spirits, "And that, if you want to be good at something, then it takes time and effort."

"That may be true." the Ranger lent her head back against her wife's leg, "But how do I make it up to Orcbolg?"

"He's probably already forgotten about it." Cow Girl shrugged, "That or he's working on a new training regime for you so that you'll beat him next time."

"That sounds like him." the Elf managed to laugh, "But still, I need to make it up to him."

"Well, I could make his favourite stew for dinner. And maybe you could wear that red outfit with the leather straps that you're saving for his birthday..."

"If I wear that tonight, he's going to forget that you and..."

"We can take the guest room for the night if you want to... make up for your earlier indiscretion."

"Thank you." High Elf Archer looked up at her wife and smiled, "I'll make it up to you, both of you."

"Just keep that outfit handy." Cow Girl grinned, "I wouldn't mind a little fun time with you later."

 **To Be Continued**


	2. Tantalus

_And now to make our hero miserable, because that's apparently something I like to do..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Two: Tantalus**

Goblin Slayer stood as still as a statue: if the baking hot summer sun had any effect on him under his helmet and armour, he showed no outward sign. And the truth was, the heat didn't bother him any more than the icy cold winds of winter would have. His training under the Rhea Burglar had granted him the ability to ignore such discomforts for extended periods of time through self-discipline and force of will.

No, he wasn't uncomfortable, but he was growing increasingly, mind-numbingly bored out of his mind.

It had been a simple quest: goblins had been attacking caravans on their way to Market Town, a prosperous mercantile centre three days by foot from Frontier Town. The chance to kill goblins had been all the motivation he'd need to take the quest, but he'd been a little surprised that High Elf Archer hadn't objected to such a simple job when there were requests for Adventurers to explore recently discovered ruins up for grabs. Instead she'd simply smiled, then lent over the desk to whisper something in Guild Girls ear.

Experience had taught Goblin Slayer to be concerned when his wives started talking behind his back, and the light in Guild Girls eyes told him that he was in for trouble. The clerk had clasped her hands together excitedly, almost jumping with joy, then kissed we wife full on the lips. While Goblin Slayer had seen the two of them do far more with each other, neither was usually prone to such public displays of affection, especially when Guild Girl was at work. He'd intended to enquire just what had been said, but Guild Girl had vanished into the office behind the front desk, while High Elf Archer had grabbed Priestess by the arm and almost sprinted out the door, all but dragging the young woman behind her. He'd turned to Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest, but the two remaining members of his party had been as confused as he was.

"Happy Wife, Happy Life." the Dwarf had shrugged, "Something you have to work thee times as hard at, so be glad when it comes easy."

Arriving back at the farm to pack for the quest, Goblin Slayer had been surprised to discover that most of the work had already been done: High Elf Archer had rented a horse drawn wagon, and Cow Girl was busy helping load supplies and equipment into the back. He'd looked it over, and was surprised to discover that they'd packed far more than the five of them would need. Indeed, they had enough extra food and water for two extra people.

Then Guild Girl had stepped out of their cottage in clothes suitable for travelling, and realisation had dawned upon him. Market Town, with its namesake markets, bazaars and boutiques, was known across the Kingdom as the Great Crossroads, where merchants and traders from far flung lands came together before heading down the paved coach road to the Capital. It was often said that, if it wasn't for sale or trade in Market Town, then it didn't exist. There was even talk of hidden, underground chambers where shady figures exchanged books of forbidden knowledge, exotic slaves and illicit drugs from far away places with strange sounding names.

Goblin Slayer knew that this last part was only partly true: every so often, a large group of Adventures would be assembled and sent into the sprawling tunnels under the town to rout out any criminal activity. He knew this because Heavy Swordsman, Female Knight and Spearman had all taken part in such operations in the past, and had reported no sign of goblin activity below the town.

It was, in short, the best place to go shopping outside of the Capital itself, and all three of his wives were gearing up for an expedition.

The journey to Market Town had been pleasant enough: the weather had been warm without being hot, the road well maintained and free of obstructions. Cow Girl and Guild Girl had been fascinated, having never been on a Quest before, and had spent much of the time asking questions and listening to stories of past adventures and distant lands. Goblin Slayer had remained at the front of the wagon, holding onto the reigns, but his ears had twitched when Dwarf Shaman had asked Cow Girl if she had any embarrassing stories from the notoriously stoic Adventurers childhood.

The entire party had fallen silent, almost all eyes on Cow Girl.

Goblin Slayer had sat, still as a statue, remembering some of the more embarrassing events of his youth that only the red-head was privy to. Fortunately, for whatever reason, she kept the worst of his youthful indiscretions to herself, and instead entertained them with humourus but not especially embarrassing tales from their shared childhood.

Setting up camp had been entertaining: Guild Girl had never slept under the stars before, and in the end had elected to set up her bed in the wagon, and turned a most unexpected shade of green upon being informed that there were no toilets in the wild. Cow Girl had insisted on cooking, taking the various ingredients the others provided to create a meal far superior to what they usually made do with on the road. Goblin Slayer had offered to take the first watch, and the others had settled down for the night, Priestess proclaiming that if there was the option of sleeping in the wagon rather than on the ground, then she was taking it. High Elf Archer and Cow Girl set out their bed rolls side by side, allowing the two of them to share a single blanket.

Dawn saw them on the road again after a quick but filling breakfast, and they made good time along the road, passing wagons loaded with goods going to and from Market Town, pilgrims headed for the great temple in Water Town and a troop of travailing actors looking for a new audience for their plays. It was the furthest Cow Girl had ever been from home, and she sat wide-eyed on the front seat, asking endless questions about the area they were passing through. The others answered as best they could, but only Dwarf Shaman had actually been that way before, and not for several years.

They reached Market Town just before nightfall and split into two groups: the Adventurers went to scout the immediate area for any sign of goblin activity while Cow Girl and Guild Girl took the wagon to a nearby Inn to book rooms for the duration of their stay. In the end they only found a few stragglers from a raid on a caravan, but Goblin Slayer had wasted no time in killing them all, then examined their bodies for any clues towards the location of their nest while Priestess used her Minor Heal miracle to help those injured in the attack. Not wanting to go on without a plan or even the location of the nest, they made their way back to town, escorting the survivors of the caravan.

Arriving at the Inn, they discovered that there had only two rooms available, so Goblin Slayer, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest would take one, while High Elf Archer, Priestess, Cow Girl and Guild Girl would take the other. A look of absolute terror came over Priestess' face, but High Elf Archer had patted her on the head and assured her that nothing inappropriate would be happening. Goblin Slayer wasn't sure if the young cleric was relieved or disappointed, but she did accept the arrangement. After a quick meal, they all turned in for the night.

Under normal circumstances, Dwarf Shamans snoring didn't bother him, but for some reason, that night it did.

Dawn saw them all down at breakfast, Priestess looking well rested and relaxed. Goblin Slayer wasn't sure if that was reassuring or not, but he laid out the plan for the day: the Adventurers would go out and see if they could locate any goblin nests, then return for a light lunch, then go back to bed so they'd be well rested to hit the goblins just before nightfall, when they'd still be asleep. While they rested up, Cow Girl and Guild Girl would go shopping for any additional supplies or equipment they might need. It was a good plan, one the others readily agreed to, and he wondered if there was something to having non-Adventurers acting in support positions where there was no risk of encountering monsters, and made a mental note to bring it up when they got back to the Guild Hall.

Their hunt for the goblin nest went well, and they'd soon confirmed that there was a single nest, but with two separate entrances almost a mile apart. While not impossible to take down, it did present a number of challenges that Goblin Slayer spent the journey back to Market Town going over in his head, and he had a complete shopping list for Cow Girl and Guild Girl. Fortunately, they proved to be more than up to the task, and had everything on his list ready and waiting for the Adventurers when they awoke an hour before nightfall. While he felt confident in their ability to follow instructions and select only the best quality equipment, he was putting his life and the lives of his party members on the line, so he quickly double checked everything before nodding. Cow Girl and Guild Girl wished them all luck, kissing Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer, before returning to the Inn for what they knew was going to be a sleepless night.

Gathering up their equipment, the Adventurers set off into the gathering dark.

The actual raid on the goblin nest was actually somewhat anticlimactic, with only a single Shaman and a pair of Hobgoblin to offer much in the way of resistance. And with Goblin Slayers careful planning and the extra equipment, they were able to exterminate the entire nest and rescue a couple of captive long before dawn broke again. Returning to town with the rescued women, they had found Cow Girl and Guild Girl waiting at the gates with members of the Merchants Guild that effectively ran Market Town, who quickly took over care for the former captives, leading them away for medical attention. Cow Girl and Guild Girl likewise led the Adventurers back to the Inn to rest. They'd slept most of the day, only rising to wash themselves and eat, before sleeping the night through.

But that had been yesterday, and at breakfast that morning, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest had mumbled some excuses then simply vanished, leaving Goblin Slayer alone with his wives and Priestess.

And that was how he found himself standing outside yet another boutique, weighed down by seemingly endless bags, boxes and packages, dutifully awaiting even more to be added to his load. He had no idea just where the four women were getting their energy from, or how they seemed able to understand each other while talking so fast. He had a sneaking suspicion as to where they had gotten the gold coins that they were spending so freely, but then he had given them access to the account he held with the Adventurers Guild that held most of his earnings.

Priestess ran from the shop carrying a pile of boxes almost as tall as she was, and placed them at his feet before running back inside.

They were going to need a bigger wagon.

 **To Be Continued**


	3. Twas A Dark And Stormy Night

_Special guest appearance by an OC I created for my own fantasy series, which I_ will _get around to writing ones of these days._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Three: 'Twas A Dark And Stormy Night**

It was the middle of the night, but the Guild Hall never truly shut: Quests took as long as they took, and Adventurers returning often needed some form of assistance or another, so there was always at least one member of staff on desk duty round the clock.

Guild Girl didn't mind these shifts, given how they gave her an opportunity to catch up on paperwork or any other little jobs around the office that had been left unfinished. There was also something soothing about being indoors while a storm raged outside, the wind and rain hammering impotently against the windows, about being safely dry and warm, despite the best efforts of nature. As someone who'd grown up in the Capitol, it felt far more natural to her than willingly going out in such weather.

Which is why it surprised her when the doors opened, a flash of lightning illuminating a towering figure as they stepped in from the storm.

Then they rose to their full hight, and the quill Guild Girl had been using fell from her fingers in surprise. The stranger was truly massive, putting even Heavy Swordsman or Lizard Priest to shame. Their head almost touched the ceiling, their face hidden in the shadows. Rain fell from the long, oiled cloak they worse, but she could just make out a massive double-headed battle-axe slung over their shoulders, wrapped in the same dark, rain slick material as their cloak. Not that they needed such a weapon to look intimidating, with arms almost as big as Guild Girl herself, and legs like tree trunks that... ended... in... hooves.

Guild Girls blood ran cold as her eyes shot up try try and pierce the shadows up near the ceiling, picking out the unmistakable outline of two horns. Only a single creature in all the lands stood so tall, with hooved feet and long, sharply pointed horns.

 _Minotaur!_

One of the rarest and most feared of Those With Words, they were as strong as an Ogre, as intelligent as Humans and capable of almost matching Dwarfs when it came to working metal. They had a reputation for serving as hired muscle for Nobles, bandits and warlords, some even fighting under the banner of the Demon King himself. Guild Girl had never even seen a Minotaur with her own eyes before, which was not surprising, as they tended to prefer the wide, open grassland of the Eastern Steppes, where great herds were said to live nomadic lives in massive tent cities.

Guild Girl looked around: all of the Adventurers had ever left for the night or were asleep in their rooms at the adjoining Inn. Enough noise would wake them, but it would take time for even the fastest of them to arrive, and she wasn't sure that was time she'd have. One hand reached under the desk for the club, nicknamed 'Maiden Aunt', that was always kept close by incase an Adventurer got a little too fresh with one of the young women who worked the front desk, but she seriously doubted that it would be of any use against the creature before her if it intended her harm.

The Minotaur took a step forward, banged its head against one of the roof beams, and let out a string of curses in the common language.

Then it suddenly stopped, and despite the deep shadows, Guild Girl knew that it was looking right at her...and its shoulders sank.

"I'm sorry." its voice, while deep and gravelly, was somehow also soft and apologetic, "I should have better manners than to use such language in the company of a Young Lady."

Guild Girl blinked: this was most definitely not the kind of behaviour she had been expecting, given everything she'd ever read or been told about Minotaurs. They were supposed to be gruff, confrontational and unapologetic to a fault, certainly not the kind to apologies for using strong language in front of a women. Something felt very wrong about the situation she found herself in, as if the gods themselves were playing a trick on her. The towering creature before her ducked down low, shuffling forward until they were within arms reach of the desk, then sank down to one knee, their rain cloak falling open. Something green flashed from a long cord round their neck, and Guild Girl was taken aback: it was an emerald Guild Tag.

The Minotaur was an Adventurer?

The doors opened again, but Guild Girls view was blocked by the towering wall of muscle before her. The footsteps indicated it was just one person, and the wonderfully familiar form of Goblin Slayer stepped round the Minotaur. He nodded a greeting to his wife, then looked up at the apparent emerald ranked Adventurer.

"You're late." he commented in his usual, monotone voice.

"Some young fool with delusions of knighthood was hunting for bandits on the road. Took a while to convince him it was a case of mistaken identity." the Minotaur shrugged, "It happens."

"True." Goblin Slayer admitted, "You were able to find everything?"

"Exactly where you left it." a bag that would have been a duffle sack beside any normal person appeared in the Minotaurs right hand, and he placed it gently on the desk, "You always have had an eye for quality."

"..." Guild Girl opened her mouth to speak, then realised that the didn't know what she was going to say, and closed it again.

"And you always did have have such poor manners." The Minotaur looked down at Goblin Slayer, who was busy looking through the contents of the sack, "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"This is Minotaur Blacksmith." Goblin Slayer gestured towards the Adventurer, then across the desk, "Guild Girl. My wife."

"Your servent, madam." the Minotaur bowed his head, "So the gossip is true? You really did get married." he let out a low chuckle like the rumble of distant thunder, "I guess I owe Lord Paladin a gold coin: I bet him that, if you ever did marry, it would be to that farm girl you used to talk about."

"He did!" Guild Girl blurted out before realising that she'd opened her mouth, "We both did! And High Elf Archer!"

The Minotaur looked at the two of them for a moment, blinking, then threw his massive head back and laughed. It was a deep, booming noise that echoed off the walls and shook dust from the rafters. Guild Girl felt sure that it would wake half the town, let alone the guests in the Inn. A massive hand came round like a battering ram and slapped Goblin Slayer on the back with enough force to send him cashing into the desk, knocking the air from his lungs. He had to grasp the counter-top for support to avoid falling to the floor while he struggled to get his breath back.

And through it all, the Minotaur continued to laugh.

"Goblin Slayer, you dark horse you!" there was an almost infectious mirth in his voice, "It's always the quiet ones who surprises you. You just wait until I tell the others: Bard will probably write an entire _book_ of songs about you."

"Sounds like her." Goblin Slayer rumbled, "Are you staying?"

"Alas, no: the open road calls me still." the Minotaur pulled the hood of his cloak back over his head, "A genuine pleasure to meet you, my dear. Until next time, Goblin Slayer."

He turned, took a step forward and hit his head on the same roof beam, but managed to avoid cursing the air blue, and made his way back out into the storm.

"You have such interesting friends." Guild Girl looked at her husband, "I look forward to hearing the full story."

 **To Be Continued**


	4. Momentoes

_Direct continuation from the previous chapter, mostly so I can make a few jokes about just how... naive some of the characters are. And yes, all of the equipment mentioned is based off of something that actually exists._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Four: Momentoes**

The courtyard behind the Guild Hall was usually quite midafternoon: those Adventurers who'd found Quests had left, while those without usually left for home or to find something more interesting to do. Which is why it would have been all the more surprising to an outside observer that a small crowd had gathered around a long wooden table that had been set up, upon which had been emptied the contents of the duffle bag Minotaur Blacksmith had delivered to Goblin Slayer.

Swords, knives, daggers, axes, a mace, two small crossbows, two helmets, several chain mail shirts and a few seemingly random items that defied explanation had been layed out for inspection and cleaning. None of it was exactly high-end, but it was unmistakably of good, decent quality that could be depended upon in a tight spot.

"From when I was younger." Goblin Slayer offered by way of explanation from where he stood at one end of the long table, "Didn't know best way to kill goblins, so experimented."

"Normal people collect stamps or pressed flowers." High Elf Archer tested the balance on a throwing knife, finding it to be perfect, "Trust you to be anything but normal."

"That's our Beard Cutter." Dwarf Shaman tossed an axe into the air and caught it a few times, "But who are we to judge?"

"What on earth is this?" Apprentice Cleric held up a short length of hollowed out bamboo; the exterior had been polished smooth and four razor sharp blades afixed to the inside, "Some kind of cooking implement?"

She showed it to Priestess, who picked up an identical item an examined it herself. Grinning, Witch bent down between the two and whispered something in their ears that immediately made the two younger women turn bright red and drop the bamboo tubes like they were suddenly scalding hot.

"Do we want to know what you were doing with those?" Spearman asked, only just keeping a straight face.

"Had heard that some Adventurers used them when hunting goblins." Goblin Slayer responded quietly, "Nobody had explained exactly how." he paused, then hastily added, "They've never been used."

"Glad to hear it." Female Knight giggled, setting off Witch and High Elf Archer.

Priestess tentatively picked up bracer equipment with a strange mechanism. She pressed a switch built into the face of the bracer, and dropped it in surprise when a razor sharp blade snapped out.

"A Hidden Blade." Guild Girl shook her head, "Those are illegal in many parts of the country."

"But not out here on the Frontier." Spearman took up the dropped weapon and examined it, "Extremely useful in a tight spot. And easy to hide under loose clothing."

Cow Girl ignored them, and picking up one of the small crossbows, examined the mechanism. She'd seen similar weapons carried by the drivers of mail coaches: they were designed to be easy to reload on the move, and accurate enough to hit a target at close range. Unfortunately to do this they sacrificed range and stopping power, making them useless in normal combat. Pulling back on the lever under the bow, the complex arrangement of springs and pulleys drew the string back until it snapped into the ready position. Carefully loading one of the bolts, she aimed it at an archery target set up across the courtyard. Holding the crossbow with both hands, she took careful aim before pulling the trigger. The weapon unleashed with a loud snap, the bolt slicing through the air and hitting the target just outside of the bull.

The assembled Adventurers looked at her with a mixture of surprise and awe.

"My uncle uses a crossbow to shoot foxes if they get too close to the chicken coop." she explained when she saw the way they were looking at her, "He taught me how to when I was onld enough to handle his bow."

Not to be outdone, High Elf Archer let fly with four throwing knives, hitting each of the cardinal points on the target, followed by a fifth dead center. She then examined the leather holder they'd been in, with a strap that could be easily adjusted to fit either an arm or leg.

"Nice." she smiled, then turned to face her husband, "Mind if I keep these?"

"As you wish." Goblin Slayer nodded, "I was planning on selling it all anyway..."

There was a moment of silence, then the group descended into a mad scrabble to examine the various weapons and equipment that were suddenly up for grabs. Rookie Warrior grabbed the mace and a mail shirt, then tried on one of the helmets. Confident that they fitted, he reached into his coin purse, only to discover that it was lighter than he had realised. He looked over to Apprentice Cleric, but she was clutching a long mailed gambeson that would serve as both a tunic and skirt for her, and a single silver coin that was only a fraction of its value, even second-hand.

Priestess saw the two young Adventurera and felt a pang of sympathy: she'd been in their place when she started out, with nothing more than her vestments to protect her, and it had almost cost her her life, as it had two of her party members. She knew that the two of them were discussing changing from hunting giant rats and bugs in the towns sewers to tackling their first goblin related Quest, and just how dangerous that that could be for them if they weren't prepared. Far too many Porcelain Adventurers died on those early Quests as it was, and she felt every single loss like a knife to her heart.

Goblin Slayer caught her eye, having already come to the same conclusions, and nodded silently.

Smiling with genuine joy, Priestess ran over to the other teenagers and closed the hands holding their meager offerings and shaking her head. It took them a moment to realise what she meant, then they quickly returned her smile and clutched their newly acquired weapons and armour to their chests, Apprentice Cleric trying to hide the fact that she'd also picked up one of the bamboo tubes.

"That was unusually charitable of you." Whitch stood just behind Goblin Slayer, her voice kept low enough that only he could hear her over the commotion around the table.

"No. Soon they will face goblins." he explained without taking his eyes off the two trainees, "If they survive, they will kill even more goblins. Dead goblins are worth more to me than a few coins."

"That sounds about right." Spearman chuckled as he handed over a couple of gold coins, holding up the hidden blade, "I'll be sure to put this to good use."

"Indeed." Female Knight held up a pair of daggers and a gold coin, "I think I've still got a few bits from my early days left over somewhere. I'll see if there's anything worth passing on."

Goblin Slayer looked around the table: High Elf Archer was strapping her new throwing knives to her left thigh, Cow Girl was teaching Guild Girl how to aim one of the crossbows, Dwarf Shaman was practicing with the throwing axes, Rookie Warrior and Apprentice Cleric were adjusting their armour while Priestess was trying out a short rapier style sword. There was still enough left over to earn him a small profit, and he made a mental note to ask Smith to make sure that it all went to a good home.

 **To Be Continued...**


	5. Waiting Game

_And now a scene I'm sure some of you have been waiting for._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Five : Waiting Game**

"Gods is it hot!" High Elf Archer fanned her face with one hand, tilting her head back to try and find some shade.

"I told you to get a hat." Cow Girl sat beside her wife, her head covered in a broad brimmed straw boater that allotted her at least some relief from the merciless heat of the midday sun. That didn't stop it from baking the rest of her exposed skin, but she was well use to working up a tan in summer, even if her fair complexion meant that she had to be careful not to burn.

Her Elfin companion groaned, leaning back against the bench the two of them were sat on in the middle of town. They were sat across from a nondescript house on one of the main side streets, waiting somewhat impatiently for the sky blue door to open.

It had been a fairly typical morning on the farm: Goblin Slayer had been out checking for any signs of goblin activity, while Cow Girl was cooking breakfast for them all. When she first gotten married and moved out of the main house, she'd still gone back every morning to cook for her uncle, but he'd politely but insistently told her that it wasn't necessary any more. Despite that, she'd continued to help around the farm, not wanting to be the kind of woman who left it to her husband to do all the work. High Elf Archer had been baking some Elvish travailing rations for an upcoming quest, the recipe a family secret that she was trying to teach her wife.

But while Cow Girl was an expert at soups, stew and cheese, baking was something she didn't seem to have the nack for, and her attempts to make the legendary Elvish dish were unsuccessful to say the least.

"Sorry I'm late." Guild Girl staggered through the door on uneasy legs, "I think I must have picked up a bug somewhere: that's the forth day I've woken up sick."

Cow Girl stopped what she was doing and looked at her wife, doing some quick mental arithmetic.

"We're go into town this morning." High Elf Archer's voice was calm and level, having already done the same calculations.

"Oh, I suppose the fresh air might do me some good." Guild Girl managed a faint smile as she sat at the table and pored herself a glass of milk.

The Ranger glanced over to the farm-hand, making sure that at least the two of them were on the same page, and was relieved to see that they were. Living together, sharing a bed, a husband, each others bodies, they had become acutely aware of certain cycles, and both realised that something hadn't happened for their wife when it should have. And yet the young clerk showed no sign of realising what her body was trying to tell her, and neither was sure just how to broach the subject.

Hence how they found themselves sitting on a well worn bench normally reserved for husbands and lovers, waiting as patiently as they could.

"Goodmorning." a familiar voice brought the two of them back to reality and they looked around to see Witch and Female Knight walking down the road towards them. Unusually, neither was dressed in their usual Adventurers attire, even if Witch did still have her pointed, broad rimmed hat, only now being used to protect herself from the heat of the noonday sun. Beneath it she wore a dress the colour of summer grass, with a plunging neckline and slit hupto her hip on one side, with a pair of sandals below. In comparison, Female Knight was much more conservatively dressed, in a white blouse, plad skird and brown leather shoes.

Female Knight looked around until she saw the familiar blur door that was well known to almost every woman and girl in the town and stopped dead in her tracks. Realising that her companion had stopped, Witch turned to ask why, and realised exactly where they were and likewise froze.

"If the two of you are here," she turned to look at the bench, then back to the door, "then that must mean that..."

"That's exactly what we're here to find out." Cow Girl nodded, knowing full well that, in such a small town, it would be public knowledge before long anyway, "She's been inside almost an hour now."

Female Knight and Witch looked at each other, then joined their two friends on the bench.

"Gods, it's hot." Witch took off her hat and fanned herself with it, causing Cow Girl and High Elf Archer to exchange knowing looks.

"So, things are... working out... for the four of you?" Female Knight asked hesitantly.

Cow Girl rolled her eyes while High Elf Archer pulled face: people seemed to be fascinated by their home life, regardless of their opinion on their marriage. Many assumed that Goblin Slayer was in some way taking advantage of the three of them, but nothing could be further from the truth. While it was true that none of them had any romantic attraction to other women before the marriage, none of them had exactly opposed to the idea once they had agreed to confront Goblin Slayer with their plan to circumvent his inability to choose between them.

Still, it wasn't something that they felt like discussing with outsiders, no matter who they were. As such Cow Girl responded by putting an arm around High Elf Archer and kissing her on the ear, making the Adventurer blush somewhat.

"Things are going fine." the Ranger smiled, taking her wife's hand in her own, "Just fine."

Any further conversation was halted by the sound of the blue door across the road opening, Guild Girl stepping through. She paused to thank someone inside, then stepped out into the street. Four sets of eyes locked onto her, trying to read her expression, but failing.

"Well?" Witch asked, impatiently.

"Yes." Guild Girl smiled somewhat nervously, "I'm pregnant."

Cow Girl let out a squeel of excitement and darted across the road, followed closely by High Elf Archer. The two embraced their wife, squeezing her between them in a fierce bear-hug. Witch and Female Knight crossed the road at a much more restrained pace, offering their own congratulations to the young mother-to-be.

"Hello." A voice from nearby caught their attention, and they all looked around to see Goblin Slayer standing in the middle of the street, a confused looking Priestess at his side, "Why are you all here?"

Witch and Female Knight exchanged a look and burst out laughing.

"I think you should tell him." Cow Girl placed her hands on Guild Girls shoulders.

"I'm..." The clerk struggled to find the words, "We're..."

"Congratulations, Orcbolg: she's with child." High Elf Archer grinned, "You're going to be a father."

There was a moment of silence as everyone turned to face Goblin Slayer, trying to gage his reaction through his distinctive visored helmet. He stood stiff as aboard for a moment, then fell backwards like a cut tree, landing unmoving on the street.

"Well, he took that about as well as I expected." Female Knight deadpanned.

 **To Be Continued...**


	6. Rest And Relaxation

_So we'll be delving deeper into how the wider world views the marriage in an admittedly somewhat shorter instalment. But then not everything has to be_ War And Peace _._

 _Oh, and Merry Christmas._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Six: Rest And Relaxation**

The new bath was, in Cow Girls considered opinion, her favourite part of the cottage.

Before her marriage, a bath meant putting large pails of water on the stove and then dragging a large tin basin into the kitchen and placing it in front of the fire. But Dwarf Shaman had laughed at the idea, and proclaimed that his wedding gift to them would be a bath fit for a Chieftain, and he had certainly lived up to his word. Made of glazed, terracotta tiles, it was more than big enough to hold all four of them, and was fed by a cistern that used some form of alchemy to heat vast quantities of water on demand. Nothing soothed away the stress and strain of the day like immersing ones self in hot, fragrently scented water.

And so it was that she sat in one corner of the bath, with just her head and shoulders above the steaming hot water, Guild Girl nestled at her side. While it was still far too early in her pregnancy to see any outward changes, it was clearly taking a tole on her young body, and she was dozing contently. High Elf Archer was at the other end of the bath, washing her long, slender legs. Cow Girl watched the Adventurer, admiring the grace with which she performed such an everyday task: of all the People With Words, Elves were certainly the most sublime, almost ethical, even if they were ultimately the same flesh and blood as humans. And yet, even other months of living under the same roof, eating at the same table, sleeping in the same bed... making love to one another, hardly a day seemed to go by where High Elf Archer didn't do something that surprised and or amazed Cow Girl.

At first it had been the little things, like how she'd hum tunelessly to herself while she carried out her chores around the house, or the look or utter concentration on her face as she oils her bow and exaimed the spider-silk for any signs of damage. Cow Girl had watched Goblin Slayer examine and repair his weapons and armour plenty of times, but he'd always been almost mechanical in his actions, as if it was just another task that needed doing. But High Elf Archer was more like a bard maintaining their lute, or an artist their brushes. For while Goblin Slayer ultimately considered all of his equipment expendable, to an Elf Ranger, their bow was a part of who and what they were.

Guild Girl shifted, muttering something under her breath, and Cow Girl slid an arm around her to hold her steady.

Where as High Elf Archer had her People's natural affinity for, well, nature, Guild Girl had grown up in the Capital and then lived in town before the wedding, and as such had had a far steeper learning curve when it came to living on the farm. She'd almost fainted the first time she seen a chicken taken from the coop and prepared for supper, and she still found some of the sounds and smells of the countryside... unnatural. But despite her discomfort, she had thrown herself into her new life, body and soul. In part, Cow Girl knew, this was because her family had disowned her when she'd gone ahead with their unconventional marriage against their wishes. They'd only just tolerated her going to work for the Adventurers Guild instead of settling down to marry some well-to-do young man, and the idea of her not only marrying a mere Adventurer, but also taking two wives was simply too much for them.

They had forbidden her to go through with the marriage, even threatened to disinherit her, and had made no attempt to attend the ceremony or contact her since.

Both Cow Girl and High Elf Archer had tried to broach the subject, only to be firmly, if politely, rebuffed. All Guild Girl would say on the matter was that they were her family now, and that that was more than enough for her to be happy. They weren't even sure if she'd written to her parents or siblings to inform them that she was pregnant, and it wasn't something that they wanted to push.

In comparison, High Elf Archer's family seemed almost unphased by her marriage. After some coaxing on Guild Girls part, she had explained that, given their effective immortality, it wasn't unknown for Elves to... experiment a little in their younger days. And even at two thousand years old, she was still very much a youngling in a race where some still lived who could remember the Ages Of God's. As such her family considered her relationship with her human husband and wives little more than an passing infatuation that would eventually pass, and that one day she would find a suitable mate from among her own kind with whom to settle down.

The Ranger had laughed at that: she knew what she felt for her new family was no passing fancy, but if it made them happy to believe that and give their blessings, so be it.

Cow Girls uncle had been... unhappy when she first informed him that she was going to marry Goblin Slayer, and looked ready to drop dead from shock when she informed him of the exact nature of her planned wedding. He'd tried to talk her out of it, but it was clear that his objections came from a genuine sense of concern. It was no secret that he thought Goblin Slayer was...broken, but he also knew that the Adventurer was a man of his word, and that he'd do everything in his power to keep the young woman who had become as a daughter to him happy and safe. Had he hoped that she'd find someone else to fall in love with? Yes, but he also knew that, once she set her mind to something, not even the gods themselves could dissuade her, and he had somewhat reluctantly walked her down the ailse.

High Elf Archer finished washing herself and lent back against the side of the bath, her arms resting along the edge. Cow Girl smiled as she closed her eyes and rested her head against Guild Girls: by her reckoning, they had the better part of an hour before she had to take the vegetable casserole out of the oven for supper.

That left plenty of time to just relax and enjoy the good company.

 **To Be Continued...**


	7. Mazes And Monsters

_For those of you who have read my other_ Goblin Slayer _stories, this takes place after the events of_ Morning _. There will be a recap of the important bits, so you don't have to have read that one first._

 _High Elf Archer_ finally _gets to take Goblin Slayer on a_ real _adventure in..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Seven: Mazes And Monsters**

Torch in one hand, sword of an unusual length in the other, Goblin Slayer led the way deeper into the recently discovered underground ruins. It wasn't his usual choice of Quests: some university in the Capital wanted the labyrinth mapped, and was willing to pay top rates to get it done soon. Unfortunately, Dwarf Shaman had been called home by news that he was about to become a grandfather for the second time, leaving their party short one Magic User.

It had been High Elf Archer who suggested the replacement...

"I do love a good labyrinth." Witch commented from her place beside Priestess in the middle of the party, "There's just something so _mysterious_ about them."

"Isn't that kind of the point?" Spearman asked, still somewhat unsure just how his partner had talked him into this.

The answer was, or cause, the money. And that was exactly why Goblin Slayer had agreed to it himself: he'd only just gotten his head around Guild Girl being pregnant when Cow Girl had announced that she too was expecting. And while he'd built up a reasonable sum of money by living cheaply, there simply weren't enough goblin related quests to support a growing family. As such he had reluctantly agreed to start undertaking better paying jobs, on the understanding that they would continue to hunt goblins in the meantime.

His change of mind had delighted High Elf Archer, and given just how she'd expressed her happiness, it was only surprising that she too wasn't with child. But she had found the exploration quest and convinced Witch and Spearman to join them, filling the hole mad by the missing Dwarf Shaman but splitting the pay six ways instead of five. Goblin Slayer had contemplated undertaking and quest with just the four of them, and once upon a time he would have suggested it. But marriage, and impending fatherhood, had changed him.

The Guild Hall had been relatively quiet when Witch had opened the doors, allowing Female Knight to stride in, an unconscious Goblin Slayer held over one shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Finding the nearest empty table, she'd all but dumped him on it while Guild Girl went to fetch some smelling salts from the first aid box. Witch had, for her part, gone into the Tavern and returned with a bottle of brandy and a large glass. Cow Girl had removed Goblin Slayers helmet, High Elf Archer holding his head while Guild Girl waved the strongly smelling compounds under their husbands nose.

A small crowd of Adventures had started to gather, a few taking bets as to just what had happened to cause the notoriously stoic Goblin Slayer in need of such assistance.

He'd come round with a start, sitting bolt-upright, causing many of those around him to jump backwards. Witch wasp one of those who remained unphased, and simply handed him a generous measure of brandy before taking a swig from the bottle. He'd taken the offered glass and drained it without a word, the strong liquor burning its way down his throat and into his stomach. Feeling at least somewhat fortified by the drink, he turned to look at Guild Girl. She had a somewhat worried look on her face, unsure how to take his reaction to the news that she was carrying his...no; their child. It wasn't like they were doing anything to avoid her getting pregnant, quite the opposite in fact, but at the same time it wasn't something that they were actively trying for.

None of were actively trying to fall pregnant, but rather had accepted it as a probable outcome.

Goblin Slayer looked at her for a moment, then wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. Burying his face in her shoulder, he breathed in the scent of her, letting it fill his lungs. He'd never really given much thought to starting a family; before the wedding, it hadn't really crossed his mind, and even afterwards, it was more of an abstract concept. But now, confronted by the reality of it, he found that there was nothing he wanted more, not even the kill ever last goblin.

"What's up with him?" Spearman had asked, heaving made his way over to the group.

"Sudden Onset Fartherhood." Witch had smiled, slipping an arm around the man who was still officially only her professional partner, even if it was clear that their relationship was growing closer.

"Really?" Spearman had laughed, then slapped Goblin Slayer on the back, "Here's hoping that it takes after its mother in the looks department."

Cow Girl had kicked him in the shin for that.

"Something's up ahead. On the left." High Elf Archer warned, bringing him fully back to the present, "Looks like a side-room."

"Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen!" Spearman warned, his keen eyes scanning every inch of the hallway, "Prime ambush spot."

"Indeed." Goblin Slayer nodded in agreement, tightening his grip on his sword even as he reached out for the door handle with his other hand.

Lizard Priest dropped into a low, wide stance, ready to tackle anything that came through the doorway while High Elf Archer notched an arrow and pulled it back. Behind them, Witch and Priestess took up position, ready to offer support to both the front and rear of the party.

High Elf Archer nodded, and Goblin Slayer pushed the door open. The old, iron bound wood protested at first, untold centuries of rust and debris shacking free with a painfully loud screech. Eventually it gave way with a shudder, opening up onto a pitch-black room.

"Inflammarae!" Witch cast, and ancient torches along the walls sprung to life.

The chamber was about twenty yards square, with the same stone floor and walls as the passageways. At its centre sat a large wooden chest, beside which sat the crumpled remains of an armour-clad figure, a rusted sword by their side. On closer inspection it was clear that, in life, the dead warrior had been a giant among men, standing at least eight foot tall, their blue and gold armour bearing a crescent moon insignia over the right shoulder pauldron, while their tall shield bore a fist holding a warhammer.

"Almost looks like they were guarding the chest." High Elf Archer suggested, her ears twitching, "Wonder what's inside..."

She went to take a step forward, but Goblin Slayer stopped her. He nodded to Lizard Priest, who picked up a small rock and tossed it into the room. Lightning arced across the floor, radiating out from where the rock landed.

"Trap." Goblin Slayer muttered.

"Standard rules apply." there was a glimmer of anticipation in Witch's eyes, "the sword and armour belong to the people who logged the quest, but any treasure chests we find and can open are ours."

"Then the question is," High Elf Archer lent on her bow, looking at the chest, "how do we get in there?"

It was a good question: Treasurer Chests could contain almost anything, from gold and jems to ancient relics and magic scrolls. More than one Adventurer had been able to retire and settle down on the contents of a single chest, and even split six ways, it could easily amount to more than they were being paid for mapping the labyrinth. Or it could be empty, a joke on the part of the Gods. The only way to know for sure was to open it.

Goblin Slayer looked at the chest, deep in thought: the midwife had confirmed that Cow Girl was also with child just the day before they had left the farm, so he now had two pregnant wives, two children on the way. While his account with the Adventurers Guild still held a reasonable reserve, it wasn't enough, especially if anything was to happen to him. No, he needed to ensure that his family would be provided for if the worst should happen, and that ment taking the risk of opening the chest.

But first they had to find a way to deactivate or at least bypass the deadly trap protecting it.

Returning his sword to its scabbard, Goblin Slayer handed his torch to Priestess and drew his short bow. Trying a rope to an arrow, he took careful aim and loosed it across the room and into the far wall. The steel arrowhead dug deep into the ancient stone, but drew no lightning from whatever spell or enchantment protected the floor. Taking a small satchel, he ran the rope through the strap and sent it down the roap. It hung near the ground, but still drew no reaction. He nodded to Lizard Priest, who tossed a second stone into the room, drawing out great arcs of raw, primordial power from the floor.

"Trap only triggers if you touch the ground." Goblin Slayer observed.

He handed the rope to Lizard Priest, who pulled it tight, making sure that the arrow wouldn't easily come loose. Happy that it would take the weight, Goblin Slayer went to climb onto the rope, but it was High Elf Archer's turn to stop him.

"Not so fast, Orcbolg." she smiled, "Next to Priestess, I'm the lightest one here. I should be the one to go."

"..." Goblin Slayer opened his mouth to protest, but the look on the Rangers face silenced him.

Dwarf Shaman was right about one thing: happy wife, happy life, even if he did have to let her take the occasional risk.

With Lizard Priest and Goblin Slayer anchoring the rope, High Elf Archer nimbly swung her long legs over it and started to pull herself deeper into the room. She couldn't help but smile, despite the danger: this was what she had envisioned Adventurers did when she was younger, what she had dreamed of doing herself. This was a true adventure, pitting her wits and skills against the gods themselves. The rope groaned and swayed as she made her way out over the deadly floor.

Pausing half way to her target, she drew one of her throwing knives and flung it into the chest. The razor sharp blade cut into the wood and stuck, but drew no reaction from the trap in the floor. Inching forward until she was almost over the chest, she wrapped her legs tightly around the rope, and taking her ponytail between her teeth, released her grip on the rope. Hanging upside down, supported only by her legs, she examined the lock on the chest: while hardly universal, lock-picking was a fairly common skill for Adventurers to aquire, even if it was traditionally the domain of Rogues or Scouts. Fortunately, she believed in multi-classing, and had a set of lock-picks in her right glove for just these occasions.

"Jist ah momt." she informed the others through the hair that filled her mouth as she started to insert the first pick.

"Not wanting to worry anyone, but I can hear something." Spearman warned, gesturing down the dark passageway where a clicking noise could be faintly heard.

"No pressure." High Elf Archer spat the hair out of her mouth, allowing it to fall worryingly closer to the floor.

Fiddling with the lock, one of the picks slipped out of her grasp and tumbled towards the floor. Quick as a snake, her hand shot out and caught it at the last moment, but her sudden movement made the rope away and jerk uncontrollably, threatening to fling her loose. Grabbing the chest for balance, she jammed the pick in and snapped the last catch out of the way, allowing the latch to snap open.

A flash of light illuminated the floor, then it went dark. High Elf Archer dropped one of the picks, and it bounced off the floor without setting off the trap.

"Trap's deactivated!" High Elf Archer dropped to the floor, spinning mid-air to land on all fours with all the grace of a jungle cat.

Flipping open the chest, she reached inside to where something lay covered in what looked like an old battle standard that crumpled to dust the moment she touched it, revealing what lay below.

"DRIDERS!" Witch called out as she caught sight of just what was approaching, "WE GOT DRIDERS INCOMING!"

"Driders?" High Elf Archer reached into the chest and grabbed what was inside, " **I HATE DRIDERS!** "

 **To Be Continued...**


	8. Heroes Boon

_Time for another Special Guest Appearance. You'll most likely know who it is as soon as their name is dropped, or when the contence of the Treasure Chest is revealed._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Eight: Heroes Boon**

The doors of the Guild Hall swung open, all eyes turning to see just who it was this time. More than a few gasps could be heard as Lizard Priest and Witch staggered in, supporting a limping Spearman between them. High Elf Archer followed, her left arm in a makeshift sling and her right eye swollen shut. Next came Goblin Slayer, leaning on an obviously improvised crutch, his armour hanging off where the straps had been damaged. In comparison Priestess looked almost normal, with only a couple of mud and soot stains on her vestments, but the almost glazed expression on her face indicated that she had seen far more than she was used to.

The teenager walked up to the front desk while her companions found a table to sit around and placed two sheets of paper on the counter-top.

"Labyrinth mapped." Her voice sounded unusually distant and monotonous, "Drider nest discovered and eliminated."

Having helped Spearman to a seat, Lizard Priest unslung something he'd been carrying over his back and dumped it onto the table. It landed with a loud thud, the table visibly straining under its weight.

"Oh," Priestess added almost as an afterthought, "We found a Relic Weapon we'd like appraised."

All eyes turned to the table and the weapon Lizard Priest had deposited there. It was some kind of massive battle-axe, with one head that of a massive warhammer, while the other looked wickedly sharp. The handle was a long piece of unfinished wood, worn smooth in places where it had been held. Noticeably, the weapon lacked any decorations or adornments; no inlaid jewels or carved inscriptions. It wasn't some decorative piece created to show how rich and powerful its wielder was, but rather it was unmistakably a weapon to be used.

Every Adventurer present instantly started to calculate just how much such a weapon could be worth, many finding that they couldn't count that high.

Guild Girl was possibly the only one more interested in the returning Adventures than their prize. Grabbing the medicine chest from behind the counter, she rushed over to the table. Goblin Slayer waved her off, but she placed a healing and stamina potion before him then turned to attend to High Elf Archer.

"It's just strained." the Rangers indicated her left arm, "Made the mistake of lifting that lump of metal without testing its weight first. Damn near pulled my arm out of its socket."

"I had to use all three of my Miracles against the Driders." Priestess explained apologetically, "it was too late for my Minor Heal to do any good the next day."

"Not your fault." Goblin Slayer assured her.

"That Barrier spell probably saved our lives." Spearman agreed, taking a tankard of water that Padfoot Waitress had brought from the Tavern next-door, "You did good, kid: nothing to be ashamed of."

"Those Driders were indeed most fearsome foes." Lizard Priest nodded in agreement, rubbing the end of his snout like jaw with one hand, "Where it not for the confines of the passageway, their numbers may have overpowered us."

"Pitty." Witch lit her pipe with a wry smile, "I'd been rather enjoying myself up until they showed up."

"You weren't the only one." High Elf Archer winced as her wife applied some soothing ointment to her swollen eye, "Gods damn Driders."

"Would it kill you to look after my equipment for once?" Smith glared at Goblin Slayer as he crossed the room, cleaning his hands on a rag hung from his belt for just such an occasion, "Someone said you had a weapon you wanted me to look at?"

Goblin Slayer simply gestured to the axe in the middle of the night table.

"And what do we have here?" the blacksmith lent forward, pulling a pair of glasses from a pocket and putting them on, "Northern style, exceptional workmanship..." he lifted the weapon, visibly straining, and slowly turned it around, "It's old, possibly even Age of the Gods, but shows no sign of wear. Definitely some kind of enchantment in place, but I can't tell what exactly without running a few tests." he looked at the assembled Adventurers, "Planning on keeping it?"

"No." Goblin Slayer shook his head.

"I'm the only one who can wield it." Lizard Priest explained, "And it is not exactly my style."

"Weapon like this on today's market..." Smith put the axe back down on the table and rubbed his chin, "I'll have to contact a friend of mine in the Capital, but there's a Gold ranked Adventurer who's a fan of battle-axes and warhammers."

"Thunder Warrior?" Guild Girl asked, trying to remember what she'd read about him in the official Guild Guidebook.

"That's the one." Smith nodded, "Weapon like this, Hero like him... I'd say you could easily ask for, say... 6,000 Gold Pieces?"

The room fell deathly silent: 6,000 Gold Pieces was more than many Adventurers could hope to see in their lifetime, and even split six ways, it was more than some large and prosperous parties made in a good year.

Goblin Slayer sat silently, thinking about just how far 1,000 Gold Pieces would go a long way towards securing his families future, and that didn't even take into account High Elf Archer's share. Priestess was simply dumbfounded; 1,000 Gold pieces was more money than she'd ever dreamed of, even if she donated much of it to the temple where she was raised, she could conceivable retire from Adventurering on that kind of windfall. Witch was likewise considering her future, but more towards how 2,000 Gold pieces could buy a nice house in town, with room for a family to grow. She reached over and took Spearmans hand, the look on his face making it clear that he was thinking broadly the same thing.

"Send the message." Goblin Slayer instructed Smith, "Can we keep the axe in your vault for the time being?"

"Aye, I have room for it." the master craftsman nodded, "Give me a chance to write up a full report on it for the Gide."

Officially called the _Adventurers Gide To Arms And Armaments_ , the Gide was an almanac of different weapons, equipment and armour used by Adventurera. Some of the more common pieces could be ordered from a blacksmith, but it also listed more unique items that had been encountered, providing background information on the history and specifications an Adventurer may find useful should they encounter them on a Quest. The opportunity to submit an entry was often a highlight of a smiths professional career, second only to creating something deemed worthy of inclusion. No true Adventurer wasn't at least passingly familiar with its contents, if not able to outright quote entire entries word for word.

And then there was the possibility that a Gold ranked Adventurer might visit Frontier Town! Thunder Warrior was known across the Kingdom and beyond: rumour had it that he was the exiled Prince of some distant land, his rightful throne usurped by his scheming brother, and that his life as an Adventurer was only to hone his skills until the day came when he would return home to reclaim his birthright. Simply to stand in the same room as him was considered an honour among many Adventures, and more than a few of those in the room were already thinking about what they should ware when he arrived, or say should they have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to actually speak to him.

Goblin Slayer held no such illusions: he'd met Gold rank Adventurers in the past, and they were just as mortal as the rest. Sword Maiden had been terrified of goblins, and Lord Paladin, well, he had his own personal demons. Thunder Warrior may have done more than everyone in that particular Guild Hall put together, but he was still just a man. Fortunately a very rich man who may well be willing to spend some of the fortune he had ammased on the weapon they had found.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

A month passed before they received word the Thunder Warrior and his retainer of Silver ranked Adventurers would be arriving to examine the battle-axe. It wasn't long before the whole town was abuzz with the news, with shopkeepers repainting their store fronts and the town guard polishing their armour. The only person who didn't seem to be rushing around like a headless chicken was Goblin Slayer, who reacted to the news by taking a goblin related quest in a nearby village.

Even if Thunder Warrior did purchase the battle-axe, he needed money then and there if he was going to support his family. That wasn't to say he wasn't apprehensive about the impending visit and what it could mean for his family, but rather that he was able to prioritise. One exterminated goblin nest meant another village safe and food on the table for a week. Guild Girls morning sickness seemed to be getting better, but Cow Girl was getting it just as bad if not worse. He'd hated leaving them, but needs must when the Gods of Chaos drive.

The day that Thunder Warrior was due to arrive started with the sound of Cow Girl reaching in the toilet, and High Elf Archer ran through to hold her wife's hair out of the way. Guild Girl looked a little unwell herself, but fortunately she had reached the point where a special blend of herbal tea was sufficient to settle her stomach. Goblin Slayer made two cups of it before going out to perform his daily inspection of the farm, looking for any sign of goblin activity. He returned to find Cow Girl sat at the kitchen table, a blanket round her shoulders, nibbling at some dry biscuits. Guild Girl sat beside her, rubbing her wife's shoulders and reassuring her that it would pass.

"I'm going to stay home today." Guild Girl informed the two Adventurers, "I'm not actually working, and I can be of more worth here."

"You'll miss meeting Thunder Warrior." Cow Girl protested somewhat weakly, "You should go; I'll be fine."

"I met plenty of Gold ranked Adventurers while training in the capital." the young clerk hugged her wife, "You're far more important to me." she turned to Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer, "You two had better hurry up: you don't want to be late."

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The Guild Hall was packed to capacity, with every Adventurer, member of staff in hanger-on who could find and excuse to be there present. One of the larger tables had been set aside and covered with a velvet table cloth that Goblin Slayer had never actually seen before. In the middle sat the battle-axe, cleaned and polished by Smith until it gleamed in the sunlight that poured in through the freshly cleaned windows.

Every member of the Party that had found the axe was present and dressed in their best. Even Goblin Slayers armour had been cleaned and polished until it look like new, and Cow Girl had sewn him a long, dark green cloak to wear over it. He felt ridiculous, but his wives had been insistent. The only person who looked more uncomfortable was Priestess, who looked almost radiant in crisp, clean vestments provided by the Earth Mother temple so she could properly represent them.

"Someone's coming!" Rookie Warrior called out from where he stood looking out of the window, and Apprentice Cleric pulled him down off th chair he was standing on and made him stand beside her respectfully.

The door opened, and a large man, easily as big as Heavy Swordsman, stepped in. He was dressed in brown leather armour and a cloak made from what looked to be the pelt of a Snow Bear. His face was hidden by a large helmet, behind which only two shimmering silver points of light could be seen.

"The Guardian!" someone in the room hissed, only to be silenced by someone else.

The strange Adventurer looked around the room with the unmistakable stance of someone looking for a potential threat, the massive sword and shield slung across his back indicating that any he saw would not stand for long. Apparently assured that there was no traps or assasins laying in wait, he looked back through the doorway and nodded.

A great shadow fell over the doorway as Thunder Warrior himself entered the Guild Hall.

Tonsay he was tall would have been an understatement. Heavy Swordsman was tall. Lizard Priest was tall. But Thunder Warrior seemed to be built on a completely different scale. Every part of him was perfectly in proportion, from his arms that looked capable of killing a troll with easy to his friendly, smiling face. He had a main of long, flowing blond hair the colour of summer sunshine and a luxurious beard. His bright, blue eyes scanned the room until they settled on the six Adventurers standing around the table that held the battle-axe.

"Well met indeed, noble friends!" his voice was warm and full of merriment, "I presume that it is you we have journeyed so far to meet?"

"We came so you could buy yet another weapon." a tall, slender swords woman with raven-black hair stepped round from behind him.

"It's always business with you." Thunder Warrior frowned mockingly, but dutifully walked over to the table, "May I?"

"My Lord." Spearman bowed and took a step back, allowing the living legend before him to get close enough to lift the axe.

Even in Lizard Priests hands, it had looked massive, but in Thunder Warriors grasp, it seemed the perfect size. The Adventurer examined weapon closely, running his hand across the hammerhead and the edge of the blade. He swung it carefully a few times, then tossed it up in the air. It spun around a few times before it started to fall, but one of his massive hands snatched it out of the air like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Giving the weapon one last inspection, he nodded.

"I like it." resting the weapon over one shoulder like it weighed nothing, he turned to his companions, "How do I look?"

"Like a fool with more money than sense?" his female companion rolled here eyes and sighed, "It actually really suits you."

"My sister speaks the truth." the man known only as Guardian nodded curtly, his arms folded across his chest.

"Then it's settled." Thunder Warrior slid the handle of the axe into a loop on his belt, then pulled a sheet of parchment from inside his uniform. Walking over to the desk, he handed it to Inspector along with his golden Guild Tag.

"I would like to make a withdrawal from my account for 6,000 Gold pieces." The tall Adventurer looked around the room, "Make it 7,000: I feel like buying everyone a drink or two."

 **To Be Continued...**


	9. On The Road Again

_So yeah, there was a rather hilarious autocorrect induced typo last chapter. Got to stop writing on my tablet._

 _Setting up a side-story that will be M-rated, but won't be required reading; just much requested fan service. Also, a couple of people wanted to know more about Minotaur Blacksmith, so some more OC material incoming._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Nine: On The Road Again**

Summer was starting to give way to autumn, turning the leaves in the trees golden-brown. The sun, while still warm, lacked the oppressive heat it had only a few weeks previously, and a fresh breeze from the north hinted at the winter to come. Being back out on the road again put an unmistakable spring in High Elf Archer's step, for as much as she missed being at home with her wives, she was an Adventurer, a Ranger, and her place was out in the world.

It shocked her, at times, just how quickly she'd begun to see the cottage as home: it was nothing like the sprawling Elvish home she grew up in, with its wide open patios and grand staircases, but it felt far more intimate, lived in. Her parents house always felt somehow empty, even when her entire family was in residence, but the little cottage, with its apple-red walls and the near constant smell of something delicious being cooked felt like a warm blanket that she just wanted to wrap herself up in.

There was one aspect of her home life that did put a dampener on her elation, but it was something she did her best to avoid showing.

Guild Girls pregnancy had progressed to the point where she was starting to show, while the Midwife seemed sure that Cow Girl was carrying twins, explaining at least in part her dreadful morning sickness. Both women, already far more buxom than their Elvis counterpart, had only grown even more impressive as their bodies prepared to feed the littleones growing inside them. By comparison, High Elf Archer's stomach was still flat, her chest still comparatively miniscule. And it wasn't as if she wasn't trying to get pregnant; Gods knew she was trying to get Orcbolgs seed take root inside her every chance she got, to the point of even going to see the midwife herself. The old woman had examined her and reported that there was no physical reason why she couldn't conceive a child, and just looking at Guild Girl and Cow Girl made it clear that Orcbolg was more than up to the job.

But he was a human, and she was an Elf.

Oh, it wasn't unheard of for the two species to reproduce: there were plenty of Half-Elves to prove that, but that wasn't to say that it was easy or common. It could theoretically take years for her to fall pregnant with her husbands child, something she desperately wanted to do. Yes, she'd been there to nurse her wives through their morning sickness and the countless other little ways that it was affecting them, but she'd also seen the unmistakable glow about them, the way they would sometimes just stop what they were doing and hold themselves, even before they were showing and smile with utter contentment. She couldn't even find it within herself to resent them, given just how much encouragement they were offering her, going as far as to forgo the chance to make love with Orcbolg when she was fertile. But as much as they loved her and she loved them, they had what she wanted and that felt like a knife to the heart.

"Tiss a glorious day to be alive!" Dwarf Shaman proclaimed, having finally recovered from the news that he'd missed out on a life-changing windfall by not being there when they found the battle-axe they ended up selling to Thunder Warrior, helped in some small part by his party mates giving him the money they'd been paid for mapping the labyrinth.

"Isn't it just." Lizard Priest nodded in agreement, breathing in massive lung fulls of crisp, clean country air, "And to be paid to be out in it? Pure bliss!"

Their infectious joy went some way towards lifting High Elf Archer's spirits: it was indeed a grand day to be walking through the countryside with your friends, especially if someone was willing to pay you for the trouble. Technically they were guarding Priestess, who had been tasked with taking a holy relic from her home temple in Frontier Town to the main temple in Water Town for a special ceremony to honour all the Gods and Goddesses of law and order. While the relic had no intrinsic value in and of itself, there was always the possibility that someone may try to steal it for ransom, so the Mother Superior had elected to entrust it to her prize student and her Adventurer friends. Fortunately, there were no reports of bandit activity in the area, allowing them to make good time along the main road, even on foot.

Well, everyone but Orcbolg was enjoying themselves.

High Elf Archer had seen him laugh, cry, smile and smirk, but whenever they were on a Quest, he was never anything but deadly serious. Even on the rare occasions when they were able to get a room at an Inn for the night, he was far less affectionate than he was at home.

"So, tell us, Beard Cutter, how is it that you know a Minotaur?" Dwarf Shaman asked, making the Rangers ears pick up: it was a story she was longing to hear herself.

"I spent some time in the Eastern District before I joined the Guild." for some reason, the normally stoic Adventurer seemed to be in a talkative mood, "He's a member of a Party I spent some time travailing with. They were led by Lord Paladin."

"Lord Paladin? As in _Hero of the Fields of Fire_ Lord Paladin?" Priestess stopped dead in her tracks, "The Gold ranked Adventurer who slew the King of Dragons?"

"Yes." her mentor admitted as if it was a perfectly normal thing to admit to.

"By all the Mountains, you travelled with Dragonsbane?" Dwarf Shaman blinked and turned to face High Elf Archer, "Did you know of this?"

"I knew he spent some time travailing, but not the details." The Ranger shook her head, amazed that her husband had kept such a secret from her. She turned to look at him, "Orcbolg?"

"It wasn't important." he seemed genuinely surprised by their reaction.

"Wasn't important?" High Elf Archer all but screamed, "They say that Lord Paladin was almost elevated to Platinum rank, and you don't think it's worth mentioning that you spent time with him?"

"It wasn't important." Goblin Slayer insisted, "We were simply travelling along the same road for a while. That is all."

"All Prayer Characters travel the same road." Lizard Priest spoke up, having been deep in contemplation, "I have made no secret of the fact that I wish to become a Dragon myself, but even among my people, the story of Dragonsbane is known. And while most of my people regret the King of Dragons actions, there are many who still hold the name Lord Paladin accused for what he did."

"He'd be one of them." Goblin Slayer spoke softly, "He never spoke to me of that day, but I passed by the Fields of Fire on my way back: none who lived through that did so with honour."

The Party fell silent: the so-called Fields of Fire had been the site of the climatic confrontation of the war against the King of Dragons and his army. Less than a third of those who stood against him lived to see the next day, and all those who did carried scars both physical and spiritual. Many silver and Gold ranked Adventurers had fallen that day, but the Bards only ever sung of one name, that of Lord Paladin, the Dragonsbane, Slayer of Kings. He was who most people thought of when they imagined all that a Knight stood for and strives to become. But Goblin Slayer knew that he had paid for that fame with part of his soul. He alao knew that, should Female Knight learn that he had so much as crossed paths with Lord Paladin, then she would not rest until he recounted ever single moment of their time together. And that was not his story to tell.

The group fell silent, and it was some time before any found reason to speak.

 **To Be Continued...**


	10. Ill Met By Moonlight

_Warning: surprise encounter triggered!_

 _Also, this one's a little bit darker than you may be expecting._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Ten: Ill Met By Moonlight**

It was getting late when the Party reached the Inn of the Dancing Cow, a well-known stop-off on the crossroads where the road between Frontier Town and Water Town met the road between the Capital and the distant mountains of the far north. The Inn was Guild approved, meaning that the food was decent, the drink wasn't watered down and they weren't likely to be robbed in their sleep. They'd stopped there on their last visit to Water Town, but back then it had been quiet, while now there was a number of wagons parked in a circle across the road, which was odd, because there was plenty of room in the courtyard for them.

Something about the wagons and the way they were arranged didn't sit well with High Elf Archer, making the tips of her ears twitch, something they only did when there was danger close. She found herself taking Goblin Slayers hand, something she'd never done on a Quest before,and she forced herself to let go before anyone noticed. Dwarf Shaman was first to enter the Inn itself, already talking about what he intended to order for dinner. He stopped dead in his tracks when he felt the cold, confrontational air in the room and he took a moment to look around.

The Innkeeper and his wife were stood behind the bar, their hands raised in surrender as two masked men rummaged through the cash box, counting out the coins within. A third man stood with a pair of crossbows, keeping watch over the few patrons while a forth went from table to table, collecting coin purses and jewellery and placing them in a large bag. Screams from upstairs hinted at adrker deeds than simple robbery at work, and a fifth man emerged onto the landing, followed by two more dragging a pair of teenage girls behind them. Dwarf Shaman recognised them as the Innkeepers daughters.

"Looks like it's not a total loss after all, boys!" He called down to those below, "These two should fetch a fair price, especially if they're untouched."

Enraged, the Innkeeper made to run for the stairs, only to take a croosbow bolt to the shoulder the dropped him to the ground. A couple of the braver customers looked ready to come to his aid, but the man with the crossbows shook his head.

"Nobody has to die here tonight." he announced, "Just let us take our fill and we'll be gone."

Priestess gasped, and the bandits looked round, noticing the Adventurers for the first time. Goblin Slayer was standing in the middle, and his cheap looking armour and weapons gave him the look of a rookie. The bandits jeered, thinking that their luck had improved, especially when they saw High Elf Archer and Priestess among the group.

"Morce chickens for the pot." The man on the balcony proclaimed, "I know a man who pays top price for clerics. And Elves are always in high demand."

His companions laughed, but Goblin Slayer took a step forward, his hand resting on the pummel of his sword.

"No." his voice was low, but somehow it carried around the room, and suddenly all eyes were on him.

"Well lads, looks like we've got ourselves a genuine hero here." the bandit leader proclaimed, making his men laugh even harder, "A Knight In Shining Armour, only his armour ain't so shiny."

"Don't make them angry!" One of the patrons pleaded, "Just let them take what they want and go."

"No." Goblin Slayer repeated, "Slave traders are even worse than goblins: at least they can't be expected to know better."

"Lord Goblin Slayer is right." Lizard Priest snarled, his body straining, ready for the fight, "They're Non-Prayer Characters! They deserve no mercy."

"You talk big for someone who's out-manned and covered from an elevated position." the crossbow wielder snapped, bringing his still loaded weapon round to bear.

If he ws expecting the Adventurera to respond, he was out of luck. The moment he started to move his weapon, Goblin Slayer started to draw his sword. But rather than brandish it, he flung it forward, the deceptively sharp blade slicing into the bandits chest, cutting his heart in two. High Elf Archer saw her husband start to move, so had two arrows notched and drawn before the slavers even knew what was happening. Aiming high, she loosed them the moment she was sure of her aim, and they struck two of the bandits on the balcony in the shoulder, pinning them to the wall and taking them out of the fight.

The man with the sack drew a dagger and charged, only to lose his entire arm to Lizard Priesta long, curved sword. The shock of suddenly losing a limb startled him, and he was unable to react as the reptiles long tail snapped round and knocked him off his feet. The two men who'd been ransacking the bar jumped over the counter top, drawing their swords, but Dwarf Shaman was waiting. He flung an axe with each hand, carefully timing it so they each took the butt of the handle to the head, knock what little sense they had out of them. Seeing his men taken out in a matter of seconds, the apparent leader produced a throwing dagger and flung it at Goblin Slayer with all the strength he could muster, but he wasn't as quick as all Priestess, who quickly cast Protection, stopping the weapon mid flight.

The fight, if you could call it that, was over in less than a minute, leaving only the Bandit Leader standing on his side. He looked around the room, hoping against hope that what he saw wasn't true, that his mean weren't all dead or incapacitated. His eyes fell upon Goblin Slayer, who remained exactly where he had been standing, having not even drawn his dagger. The Adventurer looked up at his opponent, rage filling his eyes as he looked around for anything to use as a weapon. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the two young girls whose bodies he'd been so willing to sell as they got behind him and pushed as hard as they could. The Innkeeper prided himself in how well he maintained his premises, so the banister didn't break as the outlaw stumbled into it. But it did force his centre of gravity to shift, sending him tumbling over the railing. He had time to let out a scream, his arms flailing wildly as he fell through the air and hit the flagstone floor headfirst with a sickening crack: it wasn't necessary to check to see if he was alive, not with his head bent at such an unusual angle.

There was a moment of silence broken only by the moans of those bandits who had only been incapacitated, then the Innkeepers wife bolted for the stairs, taking them two at a time and embracing her daughters. This spurred the other former hostages into action, and they quickly collected the dropped weapons and set about securing the surviving slavers. Priestess made her way over to the Innkeeper, carefully removing the crossbow bolt from his shoulder before casting Minor Heal to close the wound and deaden the pain. It looked to be a clean hit, and she felt sure that there was no reason why he shouldn't recover in due time.

"The wagons outside." High Elf Archer hissed, turning for the door even as she drew a fresh arrow from her quiver. Goblin Slayer recovered his sword from the man he'd killed, checking the blade while Dwarf Shaman collected his axes. With a nod from Lizard Priest, the four Adventurers stepped out into the night.

There was no obvious sign of anyone on guard over the makeshift camp, but they still spread out and approached with caution, making use of the darkness to mask their movements. Goblin Slayer spotted the lone bandit on watch first, but he hesitated before killing him while his back was turned: he was little more than a boy, the massive pike he held shaking in his hands. It was clear from his body language that he was afraid, more likely to mess his britches than put up a fight, so Goblin Slayer simply stepped behind him and but the edge of his sword to his neck.

"The others are all dead." he spoke matter of factly, "Drop your weapon or join them."

High Elf Archer stepped from the shadows, bow at the ready, as if the underline her husbands point. The boy looked at her, his grey eyes wide with terror and he let go the pike, the weapon walling to the ground with a loud clang.

"Any others?" Goblin Slayer asked, and the boy shook his head, unable to make a sound.

High Elf Archer, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest went from wagon to wagon, carefully making sure that he was telling the truth. The Ranger reached the final cart, a large, heavily built coach with bared windows and a locked door. The iron padlock shattered under a blow from Dwarf Shamans axe, and High Elf Archer looked inside. Six women, dressed in dirty rags that had once been everyday cloths, sat huddled at the far end. Their eyes held a mixture of fear and resignation, a stark indication of the horrors they had been forced to endure.

"Orcbolg was right." the Ranger whispered, "Worse than goblins."

 **To Be Continued...**


	11. Friends Like These

_For those of you who didn't read_ Fertility Rite _, don't worry: the bassics will be covered, if not the details._

 _Gods is writing Witch's unusual speech pattern hard work..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Eleven: Friends Like These**

"And draw." High Elf Archer's voice carried across the courtyard behind the Guild Hall, "Mark your target. And... Lose!"

The sound of several arrows hitting their targets was drowned out by the crash of breaking glass and the screach of a startled cat. This was followed by excited shouting from inside the Guild Hall as High Elf Archer pinched her nose and closed her eyes.

"Ok, which one of you greenhorns did that" she looked down the line of trainee Adventurers, examining their expressions until she found the guilt party, "Dwarf Scout, front and center!"

A worried looking dwarf stumbled forwards, dropping his bow as he struggled to respond to her order.

"Dwarf Scout, I've seen you cleav a target in two with a throwing axe." The Ranger stood before him, "I know that a bow is a completely different weapon, but there have to be at least a few skills that pass over?"

The younger Adventurer started to make an excuse, but High Elf Archer held up a finger to silence him. He looked at her with fear in his eyes, expecting her to unleash a tirade of insults and verbal abuse, but then he noticed the unmistakable green tinge on her face. Clasping both hands over her mouth, the Elf sprinted for the corner of the training area and heaved, brining up her last meal before retching loudly.

"I think that's... enough... for today." Witch sauntered over to the shocked students, "Why don't you... go... hit the weights? You need upper body strength... to pull a bowstring... right?"

The trainees scattered, several talking under their breath, and Witch made sure not to hear anything she'd have to act upon as she walked over to where her friend was leaning against the wall, retching.

It had been three months since her visit to Water Town. Three months since Sword Maiden had performed the Fertility Rite that had finally allowed her to fall pregnant with Goblin Slayers child. Three months since Guild Girl had forbidden her wife from undertaking any Quests, relegating her to a teaching position at the Guild Hall, passing on her knowledge of the bow to Porcelain and Obsidian ranked Adventurers. Witch knew these things because she'd joined the afternoon games group that Guild Girl and Padfoot Waitress had started, and it was a universal constant that, when a group of women got together, they talked. She felt sure that there was something that the free wives weren't saying, something dark and possibly scandalous, which drove her a little crazy for want of knowing.

But it was perhaps for the best that she didn't: knowing that there were secrets still out there made life worth living.

But with High Elf Archer benched for the duration of her pregnancy, it did mean that her party was short a member. Witch and Spearman were often willing to step up, providing the job sounded interesting; their share of the money they got for selling the battle axe they'd found in the labyrinth they'd been hired to map had not gone unnoticed. But Goblin Slayer had found a request to deal with a nest of goblins that were raiding farms in a nearby valley, and had elected to take Rookie Warrior and Apprentice Cleric with them. The pair of Porcelain ranked Adventurers were shaping up nicely, in Witch's opinion, and some time under the tutelage of a couple of Silvers were probably do them good.

It had meant that Goblin Slayer hadn't been at the Guild the day before, which was probably for the best. A trio of Emerald ranked Adventurers from a large party that was passing through had overhead Cow Girls name being mentioned, and one had joked about how fitting it was, pointing towards her already impressive chest that was only growing as her own pregnancy progressed. Unfortunately for them, Female Knight had overheard their vulgar jokes, and had invited them to apologise to her friend.

They had refused.

In Witch's opinion, Female Knight could have beaten the three of them into near unconsciousness in at least half the time she took, but it was clear that the aspiring Paladin had been enjoying herself as she threw them bodily out of the Guild Hall and into the street.

Unfortunately they did not learn their lesson, and had returned later that same day with the rest of their party, a dozen in total, led by a bull-necked man with a Ruby guild tag and a quarterstaff. They'd stood in the street, demanding that Female Knight came out to "face justice" for her actions that morning. They'd probably thought that their numbers would be sufficient to cower her and force her to humiliate herself by begging for forgiveness. They certainly hadn't expected her to stride out into the street with Hevy Warrior and Spearman at her back, the two men grinning like idiots as they cracked their knuckles in anticipation.

Witch had watched what the Town Watch were still officially calling a 'sparing match gotten out of hand' from just inside the door, ready to intervene had one of the travailing Adventurers tried anything cute, like say, pull a hidden dagger. Once the dust had settled, Guild Master had come out and informed the loosers that they were no longer welcome at his Hall, and any further trouble could result in loss of rank or even sterner penalties. That apparently got through their thick heads, and they had quickly and quietly packed their bags and hit the road. Then they'd gotten down to the difficult task of deciding how to tell Goblin Slayer, and more importantly who had to do it.

High Elf Archer stopped her dry heaving and pulled a handkerchief from one pocket, using it to wipe her mouth clean. Witch pulled a flask of water from her belt and silently offered it to her friend. The Ranger took it and used half the wash the bitter, acrid taste out of her mouth, then downed the rest to replace some of the fluids she'd lost.

"Thank you. I thought I had it under control, but sometimes it catches me unawares." she handed the empty bottle back, "I think it has something to do with the baby being half-human: elvish pregnancies are normally far less troublesome."

"Something to consider." Witch smiled slyly, "Next time... I mean."

"Yeah, 'next time'." High Elf Archer sounded unusually dismissive, but Witch decided that, for once, digression was indeed the better part of valor, and didn't pry.

"You are looking more... buxom, though... even at just three months." She commented after a moment, nodding towards her friends noticeably enhanced chest, "I don't think I've heard... Dwarf Shaman... call you 'Anvil' all week."

"No, apparently I'm now some hideous monster from Dwarfan folklore." The Ranger sat on a nearby crate, "I won't try to pronounce its name: even he has trouble with it."

"Interesting." Witch sat next to the other woman, wishing she could light her pipe, but Priestess had already given her a dressing down over the potentially harmful affects tobacco smoke could have on an unborn child back when Guild Girl had first gotten pregnant. In many ways, her unwillingness to give up smoking just yet was why she was still drinking Moon Tea every morning. "Not sure if... promotion, or... not."

"He's just be affectionate, in his own way." High Elf Archer managed a faint smile, "If you had told me, just a few years ago, that one of my closest friends would be a Dwarf, I would have called you crazy."

"Life is...strange." The spell-caster agreed, "You can find love and... companionship... in the most unusual places."

"Speaking of, when are you going to make an honest man out of Spearman? Not that I think anything short of divine intervention could truly make him honest."

"It's... Complicated. Need to find... right time."

"Trust me: even when you're immortal, when it comes to love, now is always the right time."

"No, need to... wait a little." Witch looked at her friend and grinned, "You need to be able to... fit into bridesmaids dress."

"So about another eight months or so?" High Elf Archer giggled, rubbing the almost invisible bump that indicated the literal miracle of life that was growing inside her, "Morning sickness may be a pain, but I'm still a Elf: we bounce back quickly."

"I will hold you... to that." Witch stood and held out a hand, "Game time."

High Elf Archer smiled as she took the offered assistance to stand, and the pair made their way back through the Guild Hall to the attached Tavern.

Guild Girl was already setting up the table with the assistance of Padfoot Waitress. Even six months into her pregnancy, she somehow never seemed to run out of energy, even if she had been forced to take a leave of absence from her job at the Guild Hall, leaving Inspector in charge of the front desk. As such she was sporting a simple sundress and sandals instead of her normal uniform. Beside her sat Cow Girl, dressed in her customary dungarees and blouse, all be it far larger ones to take into account her own pregnancy. And given she was carrying twins, the redhead actually looked further along than her blond haired wife. High Elf Archer bent down between them and kisses each on on the cheek before taking her own seat between Witch and Female Knight as Padfoot Waitress poured everyone a glass of lemonade.

"Good news!" Guild Girl held up a package, "The new expansion pack arrived from the Capital today."

"Finally." Witch lent back in her chair, "Was getting old... same half dozen... quests."

"Just pick one at random and let's roll some dice!" Female Knight insisted, her normally reserved persona washed away by a wave of excitement.

"OK then." Guild Girl smiled as she pulled one of the sheets from the pack. The expression froze on her face as she looked at the piece of paper.

"What's wrong?" Cow Girl asked, concerned, "Did the baby move?"

Guild Girl silently placed the scenario sheet down on the table, and there was a collective drawing of breath.

The green haired Elf draped across the bottom of the picture was dressed, if you could call it that, in a chainmail bikin, her long green hair flowing down over her shoulder. Seated behind her was a young blond woman in what could only just be considered vestments if you took into consideration a church that worshipped Goddesses of Fertility and Love, given just how little it left to the imagination. Behind them stood a stoic Dwarfen warrior, strong arms folded across their muscular chest, and next to him, a hulking, almost feral looking Lizardmen in a leather loincloth. In the center stood warrior in full plate armour, a huge broadsword slung over one shoulder, a pair of ivory white horns adorning the sides of his helmet.

They all looked at the picture in disbelief. It was Cow Girl who found her voice first.

"Son of a bitch!"

 **To Be Continued...**


	12. Shelter From The Storm

_To explain the ending of the last chapter: in the books, Guild Girl uncovered an D &D style game intended to help train Adventurers, and started play it with High Elf Archer, Priestess and Cow Girl. I had honestly forgotten that it hadn't shown up in the animie. At the end of the last chapter, they discovered that the legend of Goblin Slayer and his party has grown to the point where someone has created a scenario based on their adventures, complete with stereotypical over-the-top cover art._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twelve: Shelter From The Storm**

The rain fell in an unending torrents, the distant flash of lightning and rumble of thunder indicating that it was no passing shower, but rather perhaps the last of the summer storms, a final Hurrah from nature before autumn fully arrived. The wind howled unceasingly, trying to pull the shutters off the windows and the thatch from the roof as it lashed the cottage relentlessly. But Goblin Slayer had built his home to survive far worse, and it stood defiant in the face of the storm, a haven of warmth and light amid the growing darkness. The fireplace cracked and spat, keeping the parlour snug, the scent of freshly brewed tea and homemade biscuits filling the air.

"I'm glad we had enough warning, and that Uncle was able to get the cows into the barn in time." Cow Girl cocked an ear to the sound of the raging tempest, "Those farm-hands he took on are really working out."

"I'm glad to hear it." Guild Girl nodded, not looking up from her knitting, "No one else seemed willing to give them a second chance."

Cow Girl frowned: the young man and his fiancee who had taken over her place helping out on her uncles farm were the only survivors of a part of Adventurers who'd taken what should have been a routine job escorting a merchant from Market Town to Frontier Town. It had been a small convoy, just two wagons, two servents, the merchant and the Adventurers, which if anything had seemed almost excessive at first.

Then the bandits had attacked, and it had become clear that, rather than simple household goods to sell, the boxes in the wagons had been filled with alchemical supplies, worth a small fortune on the black marget and highly flammable. All it had taken was one flaming arrow to turn one of the wagons, the servent driving it and two of the Adventurers into a raging inferno. The young woman, a scout by training, had been forced to watch her own brother burn to death as the other wagon raced away. The leader of the party, a Dwarven axe-fighter, had covered their escape, paying for their lives with his own.

Arriving in Frontier Town, the Merchant had lodged a formal complaint with the Guild, claiming that it was the fault of the Adventurers that half of his merchandise and one of his servents had been lost. The two survivors had countered by pointing out that they had been hired to escort a shipment of pots and pans, not volatile chemicals. Accusations had flown back and forth as the Guild Master had struggled to uncover the truth, going as far as sending Spearman and Witch to Market Town to collect the original contract.

In the end the Guild had sided with the two Adventurers, but it had been a long and stressful fight for them, and in the end they had turned in their tags and sold their remaining equipment. Given how the investigation had been the talk of the town for so long, and the extremes the merchant had gone to sully their names, no one had been willing to offer them honest work within the town. They had been on the verge of turning to prostitution to keep a roof over their heads when Cow Girl had convinced her uncle to offer them a job on his farm. He had been reluctant at first, but they had worked hard to prove themselves, and soon the farm was running better than ever, especially when Goblin Slayer had shown the young woman how to make iced cream. She had been the one who'd had the idea of adding fruits, syrups and nuts to the mix, increasing the varieties.

"They're doing really well." Cow Girl agreed, "They're even talking of going back to using their true names."

That got her wives attention: it was a long standing tradition that Adventurers, and those who worked closely with them, took up a name that was more descriptive of their role within a party, usually based on their 'class' and level of experience. Even among long-time party members, it wasn't unusual for Adventurers not to know the true names of those closest to them. Even among those who did know an Adventurers true name, it was an unspoken rule never to use it. Even the Guild Records were sealed, meaning that Guild Girl hadn't known Goblin Slayers or High Elf Archers true names before their wedding ceremony. And even they had been exchanged as whispers so not even Lizard Priest or Priestess could hear them. Cow Girl and Goblin Slayer had known each others true names, having grown up together, but even in private they had rarely used them. Even retired Adventurers, if they were remaining in the area where they had worked, tended to keep their true names hidden.

For the young couple to be openly contemplating otherwise was a sure sign that they were turning their backs on their old life for good.

The sound of a key in the lock of the front door ended further discussion, as the three women looked around in surprise: Goblin Slayer wasn't due back until the next day, and Cow Girls uncle, while having been given a key in case of emergency, always knocked. Cow Girl grabbed the tea pot off the table; it was made of iron and had a reasonable heft to it, making it a passable weapon in an emergency, while High Elf Archer grabbed the poker from beside the fireplace, a far more traditional improvised weapon. She mentally kicked herself for not keeping at least her throwing knives within arms reach, as one of the first lessons that had been drummed into her when she first started training to be a Ranger was to never be without a weapon within reach.

Tiptoeing silently across the room, she opened the door just enough to see down the hallway to the front of the cottage, eyeing the crossbow that hung on the wall, trying to judge if she had time to reach it before whoever it was outside managed to gain entry.

" _ **ACHOO!**_ " Priestess sneezed violently as she stumbled through the door, rain pooing off of the oiled cloak she wore.

She was followed quickly by a truly miserable looking Apprentice Cleric, Rookie Warrior, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest, with Goblin Slayer bringing up the rear, closing and locking the door behind him, once again shutting out the storm.

"Finished quest early." He offered by way of explanation, his armour squelching with every step, "Got caught in storm on way back to town."

"Get in! Get in!" High Elf Archer put the poker down and opened the door wide, "Get dry and warm before you catch your deaths."

The assembled Adventurers shuffled into the small parlour, leaving puddles of water as they went. Cow Girl vanished into the kitchen to boil water for a fresh pot of tea while Guild Girl went to collect towels and blankets for everyone. High Elf Archer collected their wet rain capes and took them to the scullery to dry, but returned to find them just as wet underneath.

"You really were caught by the storm." She stood with her hands on her hips, "Strip."

They all looked at her in silence.

"Strip!" She ordered a second time, "You need to get out of those wet clothes if you expect to get dry any time soon."

There was a moment of hesitation, but her stern expression made it clear that she wasn't in the mood to argue the point. While the older, more experienced membera of the party had long ago developed a pragmatic view on the topic, the three youngsters were still at that age where the idea of seeing others in little to no clothing, and likewise being seen in a similar state, was a fate worse than death. Fortunately for them Guild Girl returned with thick, woollen blankets that they were able to wrap around themselves before shredding their rain-soaked clothes.

Cow Girl walked back into the parlour and looked at the Adventurers as they huddled around the fire. She put an arm around Goblin Slayer and lent into him.

"How did the Quest go?" she asked softly.

"New nest." he responded in the usual dispassionate tone he used when discussing his work, "Two Hobs, but no Shamans."

"We saved both of the prisoners." Appreciate Cleric added through chattering teeth, "Got them back home to their families."

"That's good." High Elf Archer looked at Priestess and Apprentice Cleric, then put a hand on their shoulders, "OK, you two come with me: a nice, hot bath will do you the world of good."

The two teenagers were too cold and miserable to object as the Ranger led them down the hall to the bathroom. Soon the sound of running water could be heard over the storm outside, and the scent of lavender oil filled the air. There was a faint squeal of protest from Priestess, indicating that High Elf Archer was forcibly removing the last of her comrades clothes, followed by the splashes of the two young woen getting into the bath.

A high pitched whistle informed everyone that the kettle was boiling, and Guild Girl assisted Cow Girl in making everyone big mugs of hot, sweet tea, High Elf Archer collecting a cup each for Priestess and Apprentice Cleric.

"You're going to have to spend the night and go report to the Guild Hall in the morning." Guild Girl looked at the unexpected guest, deep in thought, "Goblin Slayer, if you, Dwarf Shaman and Rookie Warrior take the spare room, Priestess and Apprentice Cleric can join Cow Girl, High Elf Archer and I in our bed." She looked up at Lizard Priest, "I'm sorry, but we're in the process of turning the other bedroom into a nursery and..."

"No apologies needed." the gentle giant raised his hands, "I will be more than happy to bed down here before your wonderful fire for the night."

"I'll find you some extra blankets." Guild Girl looked at Dwarf Shaman and Rookie Warrior, "We have a couple of spare undershirts that should fit the two of you. They're Goblin Slayers, so they'll be a bit long."

"We'll survive." the Dwarf laughed, adding a generos shot of something from a hip-flask to his tea before offering it to Lizard Priest, who likewise topped up his cup with the unknown liquor.

Guild Girl shook her head: despite everything, she wasn't sure she'd ever understand Adventurers.

 **To Be Continued...**


	13. New Beginnings

_People have been asking about Priestess views on Goblin Slayer and his wives, and this seems like as good a place as any to explore them._

 _Fair warning: this chapter may not be for the squeamish amongst you..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Thirteen: New Beginnings**

In the almost two years she had known him, Priestess had seen many sides of her mentor, friend and one true love, Goblin Slayer.

She'd seen his dedication to his work, his ruthless efficiency and single-minded pragmatism. She'd seen him remain calm and collected in the face of seemingly certain death, seen him put his own life on the line to help others without a moments hesitation. She'd seen him at work and rest, and on a couple of rare occasions, even play. She'd seen him smile and laugh, but never cry. She'd seen him happy and sad, even if it could be hard to tell behind that helmet of his. She'd even seen him naked while performing the Resurrection Miracle, had seen, well, that which his wives got to see on their wedding night.

And the truth be told, it did make her somewhat hesitant at the prospect of potentially joining their marriage when she turned eighteen.

High Elf Archer had made her the promises before the wedding, and she'd accepted without thinking. But since then she'd seen the way High Elf Archer, Guild Girl and Cow Girl were around each other, and realised that they... we're as intimate with each other as they were Goblin Slayer. She wasn't against such relationships, and indeed had attended the wedding of one of the priests at the Earth Mother temple and a local shepherd shortly before starting her life as an Adventurer. But it wasn't something she'd ever envisioned for herself, and now it was clear that Goblin Slayer and his wives were a package deal. And that thought... confused her with a myriad of mixed and at times conflicting emotions.

She recalled sharing a bed with the three women on their visit to Market Town. Nothing had happened beyond sleep, but she'd woken up in the night in need of the chamber pot and had seen the three of them snuggled up together, like a big, warm ball of unconditional love. It had been tempting to try and join them, but in the end she had settled for curling up on the very edge of the bed, her back to the others.

A cry of pain broke Priestess free of her daydream, and she looked down on the bed where Guild Girl lay, supported by a number of pillows. Her normally serene face contorted and slick with sweat that covered her entire body. She was dressed in a simple white gown that was already stained with blood, sweat and tears, but Priestess felt like laundry was probably the last thing on the young clerk's mind right then and there.

"Good, keep pushing." the midwife instructed from the other end of the bed, "I can see the head. They're starting to crown."

Priestess bit her lower lip and offered a silent prey as she dipped the cloth in her hands in a baison of water then pressed it against the expectant mother's forehead. She had trained for this at the temple, sat in on classes where the very same midwife before her now had explained to women what to expect when they gave birth. She had read all the texts on the subject, and had almost considered going into midwifery before instead becoming an Adventurer.

But given what she'd seen so far, she felt sure she'd made the right choice.

"Head is out, you're doing great." the midwife announced reassuringly, "Not long to go now."

"It hurts!" Guild Girl wailed, "I can't do this!"

"Yes, you can." Priestess took the older woman's hand and squeezed it, "Just breath, and repeat after me: my pain belongs to the Gods. It is like air, it is like water."

"My pain belongs to the Gods." The clerk panted through gritted teeth, "It is like air, it is like water."

"Good. Just keep breathing." the young cleric nodded, "Just breath and concentrate on what comes after the pain: holding your child in your arms, knowing that you brought it into our world."

"That does... sound nice." Guild Girl admitted, "My pain belongs to the Gods. It is like air, it is like water."

"Yes, and think of all the joys to come: your child's first steps, first words."

"Ths first time their father shows them how to kill goblins?"

"Well, that is a distinct possibility." Priestess admitted, "Let's hope it takes after your side of the family when it comes to social skills."

Guild Girl actually managed a faint laugh, glad of something, anything to take her mind off of the pain.

"Shoulders are through." Midwife announced, "Hard part is done. Just a couple more pushes."

"Why did I ever let him do this to me?" Guild Girl asked, bracing herself for the next contraction.

"Because you love him, and he loves you." Priestess reassured her, "If it makes you feel any better, they that the first one is always the hardest."

"Don't tell Cow Girl that: she's worried enough about having twins."

Any further discussion was halted by another scream of pain as a fresh contraction ripped through Guild Girl, sapping what little strength she had left. She squeezed Priestess' hand so tightly that the young cleric felt sure it would break, but then a new sound filled the air: the birth-cry of Guild Girls newborn.

"Congratulations." Midwife brought the baby up to meet its mother, "It's a beautiful, healthy baby girl."

"Oh gods!" Guild Girl took her daughter in her arms for the first time, immediately enraptured by her. Fresh tears welled up in hear eyes, only this time they were tears of unbridled joy and love, "Hello. I'm your mother."

The door opened to reveal Goblin Slayer, who was quickly pushed aside by Cow Girl and High Elf Archer, who both wanted a look at their wife and her baby. At eight months, Cow Girl looked even bigger than Guild Girl had, thanks to the twins she was expecting in just a few short weeks, while at six months, it was still hard to tell that High Elf Archer was even pregnant, due to the almost unnoticeable change to her body, besides the swelling of her chest. The Ranger helped the redhead over to the bed, where she gladly sat and brushed a few stray strands of hair from her wife's face.

"You made one beautiful baby, my love." she looked up at Goblin Slayer, "You both did."

"Come," Guild Girl held out the newborn to her father, "say hello to our daughter."

The Adventurer stumbled forwards, almost as if he was in a trance, and accepted the still crying baby into his arms. At first he looked like he was expecting it to explode like an alchemists firework, but then he held her to his chest, a strange expression on his face.

"Hello." he looked down at the tiny life he had helped create, "I will kill anyone who ever hurts you."

"That's our Orcbolg!" High Elf Archer laughed, "But I share the sentiment."

"Did you have a name in mind?" Midwife asked, quill in hand, ready to fill out the paperwork that had to be filed with the town clerk for the census.

"We do." Guild Girl nodded, "Grace. Her name is Grace."

"I like it." Cow Girl looked up at her husband and smiled, "Your sisters name."

A step back from the happy family, Priestess examined them.

Guild Girl was completely spent, but there was an undeniable glow about her, a sense of satisfaction in a hard job done well as she accepted back her daughter and set about nursing her for the first time. All the morning sickness and the backache and the mood-swings were worth it for the singular joy of holding her daughter in her arms. Cow Girl, possibly the most grounded of the three women, was sat in rapt attention as she watched the newborn suckle at her wife's teet. Having grown up around farms, she was no stranger to seeing new life brought into the world, but this time it was different, because it was a new addition to her family, one she herself would be helping to grow soon enough. High Elf Archer stood clutching her husbands arm with one hand, the other rubbing the almost invisible bumb where her own child was growing, and lent into him. Her effective immortality set her apart from her spouses, but she too could share the simple, timeless joy of seeing new life brought into the world. Into her home.

But Goblin Slayer... for the first time, Priestess saw genuine fear on his face. Fear of not being upto the task of being a good father, or not being able to provide for his growing family, or not being there when they needed him. It wasn't something Adventurers liked to talk about, but they each knew that, no matter how prepared you were, how well trained and equipped your party was, death was only a single dice roll away. That was probably why they had such a reputation for eating, drinking and making merry, for every time they returned from a Quest was a victory over the God of Death. But they all knew that, in the end, He would always win, and be there to lead them into the land beyond.

The trick was, the old saying went, to keep ahead of him until you died of old age.

Goblin Slayer has spent so much of his life alone, reliant on, and responsible for, no one but himself. Back then, it hadn't really mattered to him if he lived or died. Only now he had a family who cares for and depended on him, and that had visibly shaken him to his very core. Before it had been an abstract, but now, with the birth of his daughter, Grace, it was all to real.

"Do I hear correctly?" Dwarf Shaman appeared in the doorway, followed by Lizard Priest, "Beard Cutter has a daughter?"

"News travels fast." Guild Girl smiled, to tired to care about her husbands party members seeing her in the state she was, "Come in and meet her."

"A blessed day indeed." Lizard Priest steepled his hands together, "I ask the Mighty Nagas to watch over the hatchling, and to allow her to grow strong and healthy under their protection."

"Aye, a drink to wet the babies head." not to be outdone, Dwarf Shaman passed Goblin Slayer a flask of fire wine, the handed a silver coin to Guild Girl, "And silver to cross her palm."

It was a very unusual family, Priestess decided, but maybe, just maybe, one worth joining.

 **To Be Continued...**


	14. Growing Pains

_So let's have some more fun at Goblin Slayers expense, shall we?_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Fourteen: Growing Pains**

High Elf Archer stood leaning against the door of the barn and smiled.

A table had been set up in the middle, upon which were several sheets of paper covered in drawings and calculations, half a dozen cups of tea and Goblin Slayers helmet, which he had taken off to allow access to his forehead, which he was massaging thoroughly.

"I still say going _up_ is better than going _out_." Heavy Swordsman sifted through the various sheets of paper until he found the one he was looking for, "There's plenty of room in the roof, and with a little bit of work, it could be opened up further."

"Spring is coming." Spearman shook his head, his arms folded across his chest, "Do you really thin it's a good idea to have the roof open when the rains come? No, going _out_ is the best option."

"Why not both?" Cow Girls uncle took a fresh sheet of paper and started scratching, "Expand out off the scullery now, before the weather turns, then, in the summer, look into converting the roof?"

The gaggle of men soon descended into what could politely called a heated debate, if only because they'd left their weapons back at the cottage.

Word of Grace's birth had spread like wildfire around the Guild Hall, and Priestess had only been able to hold them back so long before a contingent of Adventurers and Guild employees had made the short trip out to the farm to see her for themselves. More than a few coins had changed hands, bets heaving apparently been made over everything from her gender, size and eye colour. Worryingly, Witch had made the most money, only losing out on the babies hair colour, whith Padfoot Waitress apparently being the only one to correctly guess that she'd be born bald.

But while the women in the group gathered around the newborn in the parlour, then men who'd accompanied them, or had been dragged along by their partners, had congregated in the barn, where Goblin Slayer was contemplating an extention to the cottage. Presented with something less threatening to their rugged personas, the Adventurers had quickly taken the task in hand, meaning that little to no actual work had been done, beyond sending Rookie Warrior back to the kitchen for a fresh pot of tea.

"But how far out to go?" Dwarf Shaman stroked his beard, standing on an old crate to get a better view of the plans, "If you went out as far as the barn, you'd have the starting of a courtyard, and you'd be able to get to any supplies there without having to go outside in bad weather."

"That's a fair point." Farmer amended his scetch to take the Adventurers suggestion into account, "You could knock a door in over there." he gestured over his shoulder to one corner of the barn, "Making this bit a corridor with rooms coming off on the inside. They'd be south-facing, so there'd be no loss of natural light."

"Build on two stories: living space below, bedrooms above." Heavy Swordsman nodded, "Then they'll be ready for when you convert the attic space. Put the stairs in where they meet and save even more space."

Goblin Slayer drifted away from the group unnoticed and made his way over to where his wife stood. Even with his customary stoicism, she knew him well enough to read his body language and could tell that he was out of his depth. Most of his life had been spent training for a conducting his one-man war of extermination against goblins, and it was an area where he was considered an expert, even by those who considered him to be a little odd. But it hadn't left much time in his life for socialising, for learning how to interact with other people outside of work. He had no experience of how males, regardless of their race, had a tendency to fixate on certain things almost to the point of obsession. High Elf Archer had seen it before, with her father and uncles, and her ears twitched with amusement at seing her husband thrown into the deep end, as it were.

Taking his arms in her hands, she lent up against him in a reassuring manner, offering her silent support in his hour of need. He stood riged for a moment, then lent back into her, making her smile.

The task of taking Goblin Slayer and, for want of a better word, _fixing_ him, had been daunting at first. Even with the three of them working on him nearly round the clock, it had taken a lot of time and hard work. Just getting him to bath more regularly had been a chore until Guild Girl had discovered that bathing with him magically made him warm up to the idea. It wasn't exactly something his wives were adverse to, even if it did end with water all over the bathroom floor. Unfortunately not every problem could be solved by sex, as enjoyable as it might be, and they were still working on getting him to be more sociable and talkative. High Elf and had actually given up on that last part, long ago accepting that he was more the strong, silent type, even if she did wish he was a bit more articulate. Getting him to accept non-goblin related Quests had actually been easier than expected: as dedicated as he was to the genocide of the goblin race, even he had admitted that he didn't take any actual joy in it, but rather saw it as a job that needed doing. Once High Elf Archer had gotten him to take part in a few more traditional Quests, he had begrudgingly admitted that they were more fulfilling.

They also paid better, which with a growing family and home, money was something that they were in need of.

"Plans they have." his voice was unusually soft, "Expensive."

"We have enough saved up, and we're going to need the extra space." High Elf Archer rested her head against his shoulder, "Would help if my parents weren't being so... _them_."

He looked down at her.

"They apparently have quite the dowry saved up for me: given my more, free-spirited nature, they seemed to be under the impression that I would need a little... help, finding a husband." She laughed as she squeezed his arm, "Well, we sure showed them there. Unfortunately, they don't seem to consider a this to be a... and these are their words, not mine, _proper marriage_ , so are holding onto it."

"Families." Goblin Slayer shrugged, summing up his thoughts on the subject with a single word.

"I think we have a workable plan." Farmer walkover, paper in hand, followed by the others, "Expanding out from the scullery to the barn, on two levels, will add the extra room you need." he nodded towards Heavy Swordsman, "The, later on, you can look into converting the roof space you already have into a new master bedroom."

"Would be nice to have a little extra space to work in." High Elf Archer admitted, "I know Guild Girl would like a room to paint in, and we could use a room to keep and maintain our weapons and equipment." she held up a hand, "But your more...inventive projects stay out in the shed where they belong. I'm not having you fill the house with pepper because you dropped a jar."

"Understood." Her husband nodded, "And agreed."

"Good." the Ranger stood on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

"I know a team of builders in town why could give you an estimate." Spearman looked unusually sheepish, scratching the back of his head while simultaneously rubbing one foot against the back of the other leg, "They're building a townhouse for Witch and me..."

"So, she finally said yes, did she." Heavy Swordsman laughed at his friends obvious discomfort, "About time: was getting worried that we'd never marry you off."

"Oh, like you and Female Knight can talk!" Came back the inevitable reply, "How long are you two going to keep pretending that you're 'just close friends'?"

This soon started a fresh argument.

High Elf Archer smiled again. It was true what the humans said: friends were the family you choose for yourself.

 **To Be Continued...**


	15. Celebrate Good Times!

_With special thanks to Duneden for letting me borrow from his story_ Goblin Slayer: What Comes After _to fill in some character development on a topic a number of you have been asking about. Not going as indepth as last time, but I am will to bend to popular demand when and where I see it fitting the narrative I have in mind._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Fifteen: Celebrate Good Times!**

The Guild Hall was full almost to capacity, with brightly coloured bunting hanging from the rafters and the scent of fresh bread and succulent meat in the air, mixing with excited voices and joyful music as a troop of travailing bards did their best to be heard over the commotion. Everyone was dressed in their best, even Goblin Slayer, who'd been forced by his wives to actually dress in something other than his armour or the old work clothes he wore on the rare occasion he was without it. Instead they had procured him a black suit and white shirt that somehow still managed to look like he'd slept in it, despite their best efforts.

It had been a busy two months since the birth of Grace, least not because she'd been joined by twin brothers, Jacob and Eugene, named after their grandfathers. Cow Girls labour had been long and tiring, and she'd slept for two days straight afterwards, her husband keeping vigil while Guild Girl had nursed the newborns along with their sister. High Elf Archer had tried to keep watch over her wife, but at seven months pregnant with her own child, she simply hadn't been able. Fortunately the young redhead had awoken, and there were no signs of anything to be concerned about.

Apparently even more money exchanged hands this time, and people were openly asking High Elf Archer if she had any insight into the baby she carried.

The preparations for Priestess seventeenth birthday had already been well underway, and she had been more than happy to make it a joint celebration. Given just how popular the young cleric was around the town, it hadn't been hard for Inspector and Padfoot Waitress to organise a massive celebration, with people freely giving their time to help make the Guild Hall ready for the big night. With winter behind them, and spring in the air, people seemed to be in the mood to celebrate and let their hair down. Perhaps the only negative, from Priestess' point of view, was the absence of a certain guest she had personally invited.

It had been almost two years to the day since her first visit to the Guild Hall, and her joining the ill-fated party of freshly. minted Porcelain ranked Adventurers looking to destroy a neat of goblins not far from town. Two years since she had watched half that party die right before her eyes. First had been Warrior, the party leader, who'd been overwhelmed by goblins and hacked to death whilst trying to come to the aid of Wizard, who'd been stabbed in the guts by a poisoned blade. The bright young mage had been next to die, her life ended by Goblin Slayer to spare her the agonising death that the poison had in store for her. The party's forth member, Fighter, had tried to cover Priestess while she sort to help Wizard, only to be incapacitated by a Hobgoblin and then set upon by the rest of the tribe. Even as they stripped her clothes and prepared to violate her, she'd called out for Priestess to run, to try and get Wizard to safety.

Priestess had failed in her task, but she had helped Goblin Slayer avenge her fallen comrades on the goblins after he had saved her from suffering the same fate. They had found Fighter alive, huddled with the goblins other prisoners, her senses having fled her body in order to escape her ordeal. Catatonic, she'd been taken in by the same village that had posted the Quest, and although it had taken a long time, she had started down the road to recovery. In a bid to exorcise the feelings of regret that had been plaguing her, Priestess had written to the Village Elder, asking after her former teammate.

The last thing she had expected was to receive a response from Fighter herself.

She'd turned her back on the life of an Adventurer, but she had found peace, happiness and even love in that small village, marrying the local Apothecarist. The two had started exchanging letters on a somewhat regular basis, keeping each other up to date on what was happening in their lives and the lives of those closest to them. Learning that the other woman had found a way to put what had happened in that dark, dank cave behind her and find a new reason to live had helped heal the emotional wounds Priestess had been carrying around, and she had happily invited Fighter and her husband to attend the celebrations, only to receive a response informing her that they would not be able to travel, due to the fact that Fighter had fallen pregnant with their first child.

The news had lifted Priestess' heart, and she had even found herself visiting Wizards grave to pass the news on.

The minstrels started playing something you could dance to, bringing Priestess back to the present as couples made their way to the small open space available. Spearman and Heavy Swordsman looked worried, but not nearly as terrified as Rookie Warrior, who was quite literally dragged across the room by Apprentice Cleric and forced to dance with her. Being forced to actually put his hands on his partner in a non-professional way looked ready to fell him quicker than any enemy blow, but he soon loosened up and even seemed to be enjoying himself after a while.

"I want to dance." Priestess looked around, and seeing Goblin Slayer sat at a table with his family, grabbed his hand, "Mind if I borrow him?"

"Fine with me." Guild Girl nodded, "Too tired to dance myself."

"Same." Cow Girl agreed, rocking the basket that contained her twins.

"To fat." High Elf Archer frowned, "Let's see what moves Orcbolg has."

"I don't dance." Their husband tried to protest, but once again found himself unable to say no to the women in his life, even the ones he wasn't married to.

Priestess led Goblin across to the dance floor, arriving just as the song ended and the musicians started a slower tune that encouraged the dancers to move closer. The young cleric could have sworn she saw her companion shoot the chestnut haired woman leading the minstrels a look, only to get a wink in return, but then they were caught up in the sea of moving bodies, Goblin Slayer surprisingly attune to the melody.

"You're a much better dancer than I expected." she commented, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes.

"My sister taught me." he mumbled, "She always loved to dance."

"I'm so sorry!" Priestess backed up, mortified, "I didn't realise..."

"It's OK." Goblin Slayer assured her, "It's a... happy memory."

Reassured that she wasn't stirring up bad memories, Priestess resumed dancing, enjoying being close to Goblin Slayer, of feeling the warmth of his body against her own. Feelings that she'd been trying to suppress started to bubble to the surface, brought forth by the music.

"You know, I'll be eighteen in a year."

"I see."

"High Elf Archer promised that, if I still had... feelings for you, when I turned eighteen, then I could... join."

"I see."

"Goblin Slayer, sir, I... I still have feelings for you, and they're only growing stronger."

"I... see."

"Do you... do you think I'd make a good wife?"

Goblin Slayer was silent for a moment, working to pick the right words: he didn't want to encourage her, but at the same time, he didn't want to ruin her birthday.

"Any man would be lucky to have a wife like you."

Priestess looked up at him to make sure that he wasn't making a joke at her expense, but seeing the truth in his eyes, her face lit up like the rising sun. The music that had been playing came to an end, and she pulled him down so she could plant a soft, chase kiss on his lips. Giggling, she disappeared off into the crowd, vanishing from his sight in an instant.

Goblin Slayer found himself standing at the bar waiting to be served when he felt the presence at his side.

"The two of you cut quite the figure out there." the leader of the minstrels smiled, "And you a married man and all."

"Bard." Goblin Slayer looked over at his new companion, "Quite the surprise to see you this far north."

"Oh, I'm getting paid quite well, or I wouldn't be here." the musician lent against the bar, "Mage wanted someone to check in on you."

"You didn't ask why?"

"For what he's paying?" Bard chuckled, "I do this, and all debts are forgiven."

"From what I recall, you owed him a lot..."

"And he obviously wants to make sure you're doing OK. But I am just a humble wandering minstrel: who am I to question the actions of one of the Sorcerer's Council?"

"From what I recall, you had a habit of questioning every order." Goblin Slayer looked around the room, "You're alone?"

"Expecting to see Lord Paladin waiting tables?" Bard threw her head back and laughed, "No, I'm travelling incognito. Even left Swordswoman at home."

"So, what are you going to tell Mage?"

"That Minotaur Blacksmith was right: that somehow those wives of yours have managed to domesticate you." Bard accepted a glass of wine from Padfoot Waitress, "Oh well, back to work I guess. Be seeing you, shorty."

"She's very good." the Tavern employee stood watching her go, "Friend of yours?"

"Someone I met once, when I was younger." Goblin Slayer accepted a tankard of ale, "Nothing worth talking about."

Paying for his drink, he made his way back to the table where his wives sat waiting.

"Who knew you could dance so well." Guild Girl moved next to him and nuzzled up close to him.

"I suspected." Cow Girl smiled as she put an arm around High Elf Archer, "Grace, his sister, Grace, was the best dancer in the village where we grew up. Every festival, all the boys would line up for the chance to dance with her."

"Next time, then." Guild Girl finished her lemonade, "I think it's time we got the little ones back to bed."

"I second the motion." High Elf Archer looked her own drink, wishing, not for the first time, that it contained wine, not water, "Time we all got to bed."

Bard watched the family depart from her place up on the small stage: she didn't know exactly what Mage was planning, but it was bound to be interesting...

 **To Be Continued...**

 _So yeah, the bit about Fighter is based off of Dunedens story._

 _If you liked what you read, go check out his work for yourself._


	16. Expecting The Unexpected

_I did warn some of you to expect a twist..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Sixteen: Expecting The Unexpected**

"I know that I'm prone to make fun of long-ears, but she's stronger than she looks." Dwarf Shaman sat on a chair he'd brought from the kitchen, his feet dangling far above the floor, "And if you don't stop pacing back and forth like that, you'll wear out the floorboards."

"Two days." Goblin Slayer shook his head, his face a grim mask, "Shouldn't be taking this long."

"Elves never do anything quickly if they can take their time over it." his friend tried to reassure him, "And you heared Priestess: everything's going fine, just rather slowly."

Goblin Slayer grunted and resumed his pacing up and down the hallway.

It had been two days since Farmer had arrived at the Guild Hall to inform Goblin Slayer that High Elf Archer's waters had broken, and that she was going into labour. Goblin Slayer had immediately taken a horse and ridden back to the cottage while Priestess had gone to fetch the midwife, only to discover that she'd been called away to a nearby village to assist with a particularly difficult birth. That left Priestess and Apprentice Cleric as the best qualified to assist the Elf while Rookie Warrior was sent to inform the midwife and find out how soon she might be able to return.

In the meantime, Goblin Slayer had found himself rendered worse than useless: his constant fretting over his wife had only gotten in the way of the two makeshift midwives, and Priestess had displayed an iron resolve he didn't know she had by banishing him from the bedroom. He had known that she had a strength that belied her small stature, but he had never previously been the object of her anger, and it had been unpleasantly like being attacked by a kitten that had suddenly discovered that it was in fact a lion.

Lizard Priest sat at the far end of the hall, deep in meditation. Dwarf Shaman wished that Goblin Slayer would follow his example.

"Any change?" Cow Girl appeared in the doorway from the other bedroom, yawning: she'd been up most of the night before with the children.

"Not for the last hour or so, no." Lizard Priest spoke, surprising everyone.

"I'll go make some tea." Cow Girl padded her way down to the kitchen, eager to find something, _anything_ , to take her mind off of what was happening.

The thick, wooden walls had been built to help keep the rooms warm in the depths of winter, but they also provided a certain amount of privacy. Not enough to completely down out the screams of both pain or pleasure, but enough to at least allow one to sleep through them. Having been through the ordeal herself, Cow Girl was better equipped than her husband to deal with the stress of waiting for High Elf Archer to give birth, but that wasn't to say that it didn't take a tole on her. Far from it, and what little sleep she' d managed had been fitful to say the least.

Still, she was able to operate at least somewhat normally, filling the kettle and lighting the stove while hunting for enough clean cups for everyone. She had no idea how Priestess and Apprentice Cleric had been able to keep going, but felt sure that they'd need at least some refreshment after so long.

"Morning." Guild Girl walked in, covering her mouth as she yawned, "You should have woken me."

"But you looked so peaceful." Cow Girl put an arm around her wife and kisses her on the forehead, "Anyway, I only just woke myself. How are the little ones?"

"Still asleep." Guild Girl lent into the embrace, "They're young, but I aware that they're picking up on all the tension in the air right now."

"They're their fathers children. Still, I can't say I blame them..."

A scream of pain echoed through the cottage, and the two women almost fell over themselves as they rushed back into the hallway. Goblin Slayer stood leaning against the door, his face unreadable.

"Apprentice Cleric just told us that it shouldn't be long now." Dwarf Shaman informed them, "The baby's started to crown."

The tea didn't get made, as nobody wanted to leave the hallway. The muffled sound of Priestess' unwaveringly calm voice could be heard amongst High Elf Archer's cries of pain, but after what felt like an age, they were joined by the birth-cry of her firstborn. Apprentice Cleric opened the door,ooking ragged but happy.

"It's a girl." she beemed, "Both mother and daughter are doing fine."

"Perhaps we should start calling you Abu El Banat, my lord Goblin Slayer." Lizard Priest smiled.

"Aye, daughters are the gods punishment for being born a man." Dwarf Shaman laughed, earning him self a punch to the shoulder from Guild Girl.

Ignoring them, Goblin Slayer slipped silently into the room, and his blood ran cold when he saw High Elf Archer laying on the bed: her body, normally so vibrant and full of life, looked drained and pale, as if the colour had been drained out of her. At her right breath lay a bundle of pink skin and grey-green hair, greedily enjoying her first meal.

"Look what we made." the Rangers voice was soft and week, but full of joy, "Look at our daughter, Orcbolg."

"You did it again, beloved." Cow Girl appeared to his right, Guild Girl at his left, "You sure do make some beautiful children."

"Fawn." High Elf Archer brushed a few strands of hair out of her daughters face, "Her name is Fawn."

* * *

 _Far to the East_

"Well, this is... unexpected." a tall, greying man in a sage-green tunic sat at the head of a large table, hands steepled beneath his chin.

"Unexpected is certainly one word." a second man, dressed in the robes of a member of the Sorcerers Council, sat back in a chair to one side, cleaning his glasses, "I'm still going over all the texts I have on the Rite, but I believe I may have found a possible explanation."

"Then please, enlighten us." Sword Maiden sat across the table, cradling her newborn son in her arms, "Because I am as confused as anyone."

"It's actually quite beautiful in its simplicity." Mage smiled as he put his glasses back on, "You had sexual relations with an Elf while performing a Fertility Rite. She fell pregnant by her husband, and you fell pregnant by... _her_."

"So his _father_ is actually a woman?" Lord Paladin asked, looking at the pointed ears on the newborn: they were unmistakable those of someone with Elvan blood running through their veins.

"Whoever said that the Gods don't have a sense of humour?" Minotaur Blacksmith asked from where he stood by a large fireplace, "I thought that nothing more in this world could surprise me. I should have known better."

"So he is _not_ Goblin Slayers child?" Sword Maiden asked, unsure if she felt happier or sadder at the revolution, "That High Elf Archer is his... I don't even know the right word."

" _Sire_ may be the best choice, under the circumstances." Mage shrugged, "The truth is that we are in uncharted waters. I would have to contact the Council to be sure, but I do believe that this is a first."

"The question then is, what do do next?" Lord Paladin turned to Sword Maiden, "We will, of cause, support whatever decision you make, but it won't be long before your superiors within the church expect to hear from you. What do we tell them?"

"I'd advise against telling them the truth." Minotaur Blacksmith rumbled, "Tell them that they have a truly undeniable miracle on their hands, and they'll want to make the most of it."

"I would like to think that my uncle would stop them, but he is but one Cardinal among many on the Council." Sword Maiden admitted, "But I will not give him up." She looked down at her sleeping child and smiled warmly, "I had long ago come to terms with the idea that I would never be a mother. If the Gods saw fit to change my fate... no, that's not true. I want this, I want him, more than I thought it was possible to want anything in life."

"Children have a way of changing your way of looking at the world." Lord Paladin agreed, "As I said, we will do all we can to support you in any way we can, no matter in what manner that help may be needed."

"Be nice to be fighting for a truly noble cause again." Minotaur Blacksmith agreed, "It's been far too long."

"Then we are in agreement." Mage nodded, "Just like old times."

"Well the, my lady, it seems you have yourself a bodyguard." Lord Paladin looked at his old friend and grinned, "Where to first?"

"Frontier Town." Sword Maiden looked more than a little worried, "I owe it to High Elf Archer to tell her about this in person."

 **To Be Continued...**


	17. Good Samaritans

_This was going to come a bit later, but I'm having trouble finishing the chapter that was going to come here, and as this was ready, here we go._

 _Now, time to get my Tolkien on..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Seventeen: Good Samaritans**

Female Knight gripped her sword in one hand and the battered remains of her shield in the other and calmly looked death in the face.

It had seemed like such a simple quest at first: investigate reports of bandit activity centred on a long abandoned Keep in the hills to the South-East of Frontier Town. It should have been a routine job, a way for Druid Girl, Scout Boy and Half-Elf Fighter to gain some experience fighting Highwaymen and other bandits, but they discovered too late that the criminal activity had been but the cover for a dark cult of chaos worshippers. It had only been by luck that they'd sprung the trap laid for them early, but Heavy Swordsman had still taken a critical blow to the back, a slash that had torn his armour asunder and laid open his back almost down to the bone. Druid Girl had managed to stabilise him, but he was effectively out of the fight, forced to lean on Scout Boy for support.

The the true enemy had revealed itself: a dozen Wraiths, spectral beings with no physical bodies of their own, yet more than capable of killing just the same. If they hadn't been enough, thay had slain the assembled cultists and reanimated their bodies to be their undead minions. Impervious to pain, they were the perfect foot soldiers for dark forces, as they had to be burned or almost completely dismembered to be killed, acts that took time.

And time wasn't something that the Adventurers had.

Female Knight had ordered the retreat, knowing that, even if Heavy Swordsman hadn't been injured, they would have been hard pressed to deal with the new threat. With half their front line strength already taken out of the game, it was impossible. Druid Girl took the lead, with Scout Boy helped Heavy Swordsman while Half-Elf Fighter stepped up to help Female Knight guard their backs. Mostly that consisted of dodging attacks by the Wraiths while keeping their undead minions at bay. They'd moved as fast as they could, backtracking through the crumbling remains of the old Keep, but it soon became clear that they would be unable to reach the entrance before they were overwhelmed. Ordering the others to keep going, Female Knight had turned to face the enemy in a large, circular chamber with three hallways leading off of it.

If she made her stand there, then it would be harder for those following her to tell which path the others had taken.

She had no illusions of escaping: her opponents were too many and too powerful, but every second she could keep them busy brought her friends one step closer to safely.

"Come, dark ones!" she raised her sword high, trying to sound more confident then she was, "Come face the agent of your destruction!"

"Foolish mortal." a rasping voice proclaimed as the Wraiths entered the chamber, fanning out to encircle her, their undead warriors eager to be unleashed, "You will die here, alone and unremembered..."

"She is not alone!" a tall Knight, dressed in the finest set of full plate armour she had ever seen appeared through one of the archways. His left hand held a large Mithril shield embossed with the sword-and-scales of the Supreme God, while his right hand held a longsword that's blade was enveloped in shimmering blue flame.

"Are you in need of assistance, my lady?" a booming voice announced, and the imposing form of a Minotaur appeared through the doorway directly behind her, a massive double-headed battle-axe clasped in one gigantic hand.

"You should have stayed dead." a third voice warned the Wraiths as a tall, slender man dressed in the robes and pointed hats of a senior wizard appeared in the final doorway, a tall black staff topped with a massive peal in one hand.

It took Female Knight a moment to recognise them, mostly because she'd never expected to be saved by living legends.

Lord Paladin and Mage, names that were spoken of in hushed, reserved voices by Adventurers across the land. They had all made a name for themselves before the War of the Dragon King, but it had been at the Fields of Fire that they had truly earned the admiration of all followed the Gods and Goddesses of Light and Order. Their actions that bloody day were the stuff of legends, and had in no small way inspired Female Knight to take up the sword and become an Adventurer herself. The passage of time may have greyed a few hairs and added some lines around the eyes, but they stood tall and proud, like the Titans of myth, ready to smite down any Non-Prayer Characters who were foolish enough to stand before them.

And stand the Wraiths did, but not for long.

Lord Paladins sword left a brilliant after-image in Female Knighta vision as it sliced through the nearest Wraith, the purifying flame it bore burning the phantom to smoke in an instant while Mage struck out with his staff, the pearl at its tip burning as bright as the noon sun. With the Wraiths well in hand, Minotaur Blacksmith turned his attention on their followers, slicing one clean in two, shoulder to hip, with a single swing of his axe.

Female Knight considered herself to be a skilled fighter, but she was but a novice compared to the three Adventurers who had come to her rescue. Every move, every attack and block, was careful, precise, not a single step wasted. It wasn't like watching a High Elf, where their moves were almost dance-like, but rather it was like watching the a master craftsmen at work, their moves practiced to the point where their minds hardly even had to tell their bodies what to do. There was a reason why both Lord Paladin and Mage were Gold ranked Adventurers, and given what she was seeing with her own eyes, she could well believe that it was only due to internal Guild politics that Minotaur Blacksmith had been kept at Sapphire.

Realisation struck like lightning: Guild Girl had told of a Minotaur with a Sapphire tag visiting the Guild Hall one night, delivering Goblin Slayers stash of weapons and armour. She'd called him Minotaur Blacksmith, but Female Knight had simply assumed that he was a Minotaur who happened to be a blacksmith, not thinking for a moment that he could truly be one of the noble Adventurers who stood with her idols at the Fields of Fire and had followed them ever since. And yet here he was, exactly as her friend had described him, right down to his gruff but surprisingly polite voice. Even with that said, she could see him fighting with all the ferocity his people were known for: many considered Minotaurs to be little more than dumb brutes, barely more than a strong body and a weak mind, easily bent to the will of another. Some didn't even consider them People With Words.

In her head, she had always known that to be a lie, but there was a world of difference between knowing someth and seeing it for yourself.

Yes, Minotaur Blacksmith was perhaps the deadliest close-range fighter she had ever seen, his axe a whirling tornado of death and dismemberment, to the point where she very much doubted that she herself would be able to stand against him. But there was no mistaking the cool, calm and logical mind behind every move, every slash and twist. He was fighting like the devils of hell were after him, for sure, but he was also fighting smart, using his opponents numbers against them. His axe, almost as long as Female Knight was tall, moved with a fluid grace, often catching more than a single target with every strike, always keeping himself between her and the undead.

Female Knight turned to watch Lord Paladin: he was the living embodyment of everything she strives to be, almost the perfect example of chivalry and honour. To see him battling against the forces of chaos was almost a religious experience for her. His face was a mask of grim determination, his eyes hard and unyielding, and it was clear that he would give nor ask for any quarter. Only in death would the battle end. She found herself studying his moves, trying to commit them to memory, in the vain hope that she might be able to reproduce them herself one day.

"Ok, bored now." Mage proclaimed, throwing his arms wide open.

A circle of billowing golden fire emanated out from him, enveloping the remaining Wraiths and burning them away to nothing. Their undead minions erupted like torches, thrashing about as the fire consumed the demons controlling them. Female Knight felt it wash over her, but was not burned. Indeed, it felt most refreshing, like the kiss of summer sunlight upon her face. The wave of purification reached the walls and continued down the halls, seeking out any Non-Prayer Characters hidden in the darkness. None escaped its reach.

"And why didn't you start with that?" Minotaur Blacksmith asked, planting his axe point down on the stone floor and resting one hand on the pommel, "Some of us aren't as young as we used to be."

"Now where would have been the fun in that?" Mage asked, "Besides, you looked like you could use the exercise."

The Minotaur snorted in response, hanging his axe over his back before checking the bodies for any clues to the origin of the cult.

"I apologise for my compatriots odd sense of humour; it takes some getting use to." Lord Paladin slipped his sword back into its scabbard and hung his shield over one shoulder like it weighed nothing before offering his hand, "I am known as..."

"My Lord." Female Knight dropped to one knee before him, bowing her head as low as she could, he sword and shield clattering to the floor, "I have not the words to thank you for saving my life..."

"I think you just did." The Gold ranked Adventurer laughed as he held out one hand, "Please, there's no need to kneal before me. I hold no Noble titles or Rank of Office."

"My Lord, you are..." Female Knight blushed, "My entire life has been dedicated to following the path you set, to becoming a Paladin myself!"

"Looks like you found a fan." Mage laughed from across the room.

"We encountered your companions outside; they told us what had happened and begged us to come rescue you." Lord Paladin redrew his sword and tapped the kneeling Adventurer on her left shoulder, "You put the life of others ahead of your own." he tapped her right shoulder, "You faced the forces of the Dark Gods without fear or hesitation." he tapped her on the the back of the head, "Before these two witnesses, and under the Authority of the Supreme God, I bid you now; stand a Paladin."

Female Knight felt her breath catch: it had been her life long dream to become a Paladin, that was true, but to be elevated by by Lord Paladin, the head of the Knightly Order himself? Such a thing she had never dared imagine. She stood slowly, shaking like a leaf in the autumn breeze, and looked at her hands: they seemed no different, but they were the hands of a Paladin. She was a Paladin, yet she felt just the same as she was before.

"Do you want to know a secret?" Lord Paladin lent in close, "Being tapped on the shoulders and the head doesn't make you a Paladin, not really." he tapped her on the head with one finger, "It comes from here." he then tapped her armour over her heart, "And in here. And something tells me that you've been a Paladin for some time. You just need to accept it."

"I... I do not understand." Female Knight admitted.

"Ah, first step on the path to true wisdom." Minotaur Blacksmith nodded, "Something tells me that's she's a good one."

 **To Be Continued...**


	18. Girl Talk

_So let's look at the aftermath of certain recent events, and an exploration of just how a relationship like the one depicted in the story might work._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Eighteen: Girl Talk**

Cow Girl took a deep breath of fresh air, closed her eyes, and enjoyed the silence.

It had been a month since High Elf Archer had given birth to Fawn, four since the birth of her own twins, Jacob and Eugene, and six since Guild Girl had started it all with Grace. And as much as she loved all four of them, it had turned life at the already somewhat crowded cottage upside down. Goblin Slayer was doing his best, but he needed to be out on completing Quests to keep the money coming in, especially with work starting on the extension to their home. Yes, once it was completed it would provide much needed living space, but right now it was nothing but noise and commotion from just after dawn to just before dusk. Add four babies into the mix and you had the perfect recipe for a constant headache.

So when the need had arisen to journey into town to fetch some much needed supplies, there had been a mad scramble for the job. In the end it had come down to drawing cards from a freshly shuffled deck, highest card getting to escape the sound of construction and crying babies for a few hours. High Elf Archer had drawn the seven of clubs, Guild Girl the king of diamonds, and had assumed that she was the winner, until Cow Girl produced the ace of spades. She had the distinct impression that neither of her wives would be talking to her when she got home, so she made a mental note to stop by the bakery and pick up something extra special for after dinner.

Preferably something extremely indulgent, with lots of cream...

"Oh, hello." a soft voice broke Cow Girl out of her daydream about dairy goods, and she looked round to see Priestess standing nearby. The young cleric was dressed in her usual robes, but instead of her sounding rod, was clutching a shopping basket in both hands.

"Hi." the redhead smiled, waving her friend over, "Not out on a job?"

"No, Goblin Slayer, Dwarf Shaman and Lizard Priest are helping Spearman and Witch track down a pack of Basilisks." Priestess explained, "They felt that it was far too dangerous for me to join them, so I've been running errands for the Abbotess."

"Come sit with me for a while." Cow Girl patted a spot on the bench beside her, "I'd appreciate some company that doesn't smell of soiled nappies."

"Yes, things must be... busy, at home." Priestess took the offered seat and looked out over the river, "Goblin Slayer said that the children are doing well."

"They're newborns: all they do is eat, sleep and shit." Cow Girl shook her head with a faint smile, "And cry because they're either hungry, sleepy or need changing. In hindsight, I think that having them all in quick succession may have been a mistake."

"Were they not planned?"

"Let's just say that we let nature decide for us. Or at least, Guild Girl and I did."

"Yes I... did some reading up on the... Rite, Sword Maiden performed."

"Find anything interesting?" Cow Girl asked with a sly smile.

"Confusing more than interesting." Priestess admitted, "I have never fully understood just how your... marriage, works."

"You want to know about the sex, right?" Cow Girl asked bluntly, "Well, you were more subtle than either Female Knight or Witch."

"It's just..." Priestess bowed her head to hide the red that had started to spread across her face, "I love Goblin Slayer, and not just as a friend and mentor."

"We have picked up on that, yes."

"And High Elf Archer, she promised that..."

"If you felt the same when you turned eighteen, then you could marry into our family."

"Yes."

"So, what do you want to know?"

"I know the physical side of how things must work between you; Witch can be very... descriptive if she's been drinking, but I don't understand the emotional aspect."

"You want to know how I fell in love with my wives despite never having been attracted to another woman in the past?"

"...yes."

"I suppose that's a reasonable enough question, under the circumstances." Cow Girl looked at her friend, "We're friends, right? You like spending time with me?"

"Yes." Priestess nodded, not sure where the older woman was going.

"Well, Guild Girl, High Elf and and I were, still are, friends, and we spent time together, before the wedding. And of course we ended up discussing Goblin Slayer, and that in turn led to the idea of all three of us marrying him. And then High Elf Archer raised the same question you're asking now."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I kisses her." Cow Girl admitted, bushing at the memory, "It was...different. A good different. So I kissed Guild Girl. Who then kissed High Elf Archer. Then the three of us just sat there for a while in silence. Then we kissed each other again. And again, it felt... Good. I'm not saying that I'm attracted to other women in general, but..."

"You are to them?"

"I think... I don't see them as women. At least, not in same way I see, say, Inspector or Female Knight." Cow Girl sort to find the right words, "Guild Girl is the sweetest, most open person I have ever met. And High Elf Archer, well, you've spent time around her: you must know how hard it is to feel sad around her?"

"I have noticed." Priestess admitted.

"I just... I love them for who they are and how they make me feel, same as I do Goblin Slayer. I can't explain it better than that."

"But didn't you find it strange... being with them, at first!?"

"If you mean 'did I find it strange to share a home with them?' of course I did. If you mean 'did I find it strange to make love to them?', then yes, I still do. But the same could be said about Goblin Slayer. Being in a marriage is all about discovery."

"I just don't understand... I don't know if..." Priestess look at Cow Girl, and suddenly kissed her.

It wasn't the same as caste peck on the lips she'd given Goblin Slayer at her birthday celebrations. Nor was it the sort of kiss one might expect two friends to exchange upon seeing one another after a long separation. Instead it was the kind of kiss exchanged between lovers, or those who wanted to be. In was deep and passionate, the young cleric giving it her all. Cow Girl was taken by surprise at first, but soon found herself returning the kiss, taking the younger woman's face in her hands.

Priestess broke the kiss and sat back, gasping for breath.

"Well, that was unexpected." Cow Girl admitted, feeling more than a little flushed.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Priestess looked read to exploded from pure embarrassment, "I needed to know."

"And did you find out what you wanted to?"

"...yes."

"And that was?"

"... I don't mind kissing another woman."

"There's a big difference between not minding something, and enjoying it." Cow Girl warned, "I know that you love Goblin Slayer, and I understand why. But you need to remember that you wouldn't just be marrying him, but the three of us as well. I think that, before your next birthday, the four of us need to sit down and have a good, long talk to make sure that we're all compatible with each other. Because our family is one of equals, not a husband with three wife's who take terns to be with him."

"I understand." Priestess nodded, "I have a lot to think about." she stood up to go, "Thank you. I need to go."

"Me too." Cow Girl gathered up her shopping, "I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."

"Yes, thank you." Priestess bowed her head, "Goodbye."

"Goodbye" Cow Girl waved after the younger woman as she quickly walked off, "Damn, she's a good kisser..."

 **To Be Continued...**


	19. A Knights Tale

_Talking of aftermaths..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Nineteen: A Knights Tale**

Female Knight sat looking into the campfire, deep in thought.

She'd been in a bit of a daze still when she'd been led out of the old Keep, and apparently hadn't even flinched as Mage brought the entire structure crashing down upon itself with a single spell. It wasn't like she'd needed any more evidence of just how powerful a Gold ranked magical user was, especially one who sat upon the orcerer's Council. She'd been relieved to see that the rest of her Party were alive and well, but surprised to see that their injuries were being tended to by none other than Sword Maiden.

But that pailed in comparison to the discovery that the Archbishop was travailing with her newborn son, Lord Paladín, Mage and Minotaur Blacksmith acting as their bodyguard.

Heavy Swordsman had found Druid Girl, Scout Boy and Half-Elf Fighter gossiping about it, and had quickly silenced them: while she may have effectively retired, Sword Maiden was still an Adventurer, and there were certain unwritten rules, things you didn't talk about, and a singled female Adventurer turning up with a child was one of them. Female Knight knew of more than a few Adventurers who'd gotten their maths wrong or forgotten their Moon Tea and found themselves with child. Some had married whoever it was that had gotten them pregnant, or at least was willing to take responsibility for the child, while others had simply handed them over to the nearest temple to be raised as an orphan.

Sword Maiden, by comparison, seemed intent on taking the harder route of raising the child on her own, and made no mention of the father. Given the obviously Elvish ears, it was clear that he had not been human, but unlike some, Female Knight had no problem with interspecies relationships. Still, it was something that would cause her trouble upon her return to Water Town, and her willingness to face the duel stigma only strengthened Female Knights adoration for the older woman.

" _And who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low?_ " Druid Girls soft voice called across the fire as she pluct at a small harp, " _Only a cat of a different coat, that's all the truth I know..._ "

"Oh dead Gods, did you have to choose something so depressing?" Half-Elf Fighter asked, "Don't you know anything more uplifting?"

Druid Girl looked at him for a moment, a somewhat hurt look on her face, then started to strum a quicker tune.

" _Deep in the castle and back from the wars, Back with my lady and the fires burned tall._ " She started to sing, Scout Boy, Heavy Swordsman and Minotaur Blacksmith quickly joining in, " _Hooray went the men down below, All outside was the rain and snow._ "

Female Knight shook her head: it was an old song, but a favourite among Adventurers.

Closing her ears to the singing, Female Knight pondered once again on Lord Paladíns words. He had inducted her into the Paladín Order, fulfilling one of her lifelong dreams, but she felt no different: no braver, stronger or chivalrous. Surely she should have felt something? But then he had told her that the ceremony was pointless, that she'd already been a Paladín, and that was something she didn't understand. Of all the Knightly Orders, none were more revered or respected than the Paladins, and yet he seemed almost dismissive of the honour. At first she had thought that he was mocking her in some way, but his actions since had shown that he truly respected her, something that had made her feel happy, even as she struggled to find the meaning behind his words.

She had hoped that, with the two Parties travelling together as far as Frontier Town, she might have the time to discuss the matter with him. Unfortunately, she found herself simply unable to ask a man of his position and reputation to explain himself. And it wasn't as if he wasn't approachable; aside from the War of the Dragon King, he seemed open to discussing any topic, from the kind of Quests available in the East to his preferred style of sword fighting. She'd hoped that someone would bring up the topic of the Paladins, and was almost at the point of asking one of her Party members to do so.

"Is this seat taken?" Sword Maiden asked softly, appearing beside Female Knight without making a single sound.

"No, my lady." the younger Adventurer almost fell over herself to make room on the fallen tree trunk she was sat on.

"Thank you." Sword Maiden sat, her son sleeping in her arms.

"Forgive me," Female Knight blushed, "I haven't thought to ask his name."

"It took me a while, but in the end I chose Godfrey." Sword Maiden looked down at her son, and Female Knight started to question just how blind she really was, "It means 'Peace of God'."

"I guess I was expecting something more... Elvish."

"His father is unaware that he is a father."

"Oh..."

"You think less of me?"

"No, it's just... I was always very close to my father, growing up. I can't imagine life without him."

"Unfortunately circumstance prohibit such a relationship."

The two fell into an uneasy silence for a while.

"I heard what you did for Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer." Female Knight spoke softly, "I don't know if you heard, but they had a daughter. Fawn. She has her mother's ears and hair but her father's eyes."

"Interesting." There was something in Sword Maidens tone of voice that made the younger woman beside her feel faintly uncomfortable, but she couldn't tell why.

"May I ask you a question." Female Knight fidgeted, "It's not about your son."

"Of cause, my dear."

"How well do you know Lord Paladín?"

Sword Maiden let out a soft chuckle, taking Female Knight completely by surprise.

"Oh, this has to be about what he said to you back in the ruins." the Archbishop patted her fellow Adventurer on the shoulder, "Mage said he confounded you with that speach of his."

"I've been mulling it over for two days now." Female Knight admitted, "And I'm still no closer to understanding his meaning."

"... When you were knighted, did it make you any more noble? Any braver?"

"No, not really."

"Then why should being made a Paladin be any different?" Sword Maiden asked, then gestured across the camp to where he old friend was sat, "I first met him at the Royal Coronation, and the first thing I noticed about him was how little time he had for those who put their own personal sense of honour ahead of their duty to others. He has an infallible ability to read people, and does not suffer flops or fools. He admitted you into the Order because he saw in you those virtues he holds most dear. And make no mistake: you are a Knight of the Order of Paladins, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with the position. The real test is what you chose to do with it."

Female Knight looked into the fire, lost in thought.

As a member of the Order of Paladins, she had the right to go to their Castle just outside the capital and take up a position in the garrison there, a posting that would bring riches and honour upon her and her family. Or she could go seek out an army outpost in need of a new commander, essentially making herself a minor noble. But she knew that Heavy Swordsman would not follow her, regardless of the love that was blossoming between them. He was an Adventurer, not a soldier, and his place was there on the Frontier, protecting the light of civilisation from what unknown dangers lay beyond.

And, truth be told, that was her place too.

"I think... I think I can do the most good where I am." she admitted softly, "The Capitol has plenty of Knights to guard its walls, but who will watch over those who have chosen to live out in the wilds if all we sort was money and glory?"

"Hum, Minotaur Blacksmith was right about you." Sword Maiden smiled softly "You are one of the Good Ones."

 **To Be Continued...**

 _The Rains of Castamere_ by George R. R. Martin/Ramin Djawadi

 _Swords Of A Thousand Men_ by Tenpole Tudor


	20. Revelations

_Talking of aftermaths..._

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty: Revelations**

The rumbling of an approaching wagon alerted Guild Girl to the fact that they were expecting guests, and she put down the trowel and looked up from where she had been weeding the flowers around the door of the cottage. The cart was actually a coach, with two large and powerful looking horses of a breed she hadn't seen before, and a dark green pennant bearing a silver shield crest. It looked like the sort of thing some of the larger, more permant Adventurer Parties used to identify themselves, but she didn't recognise it from her frequent visits to the Guild Hall, indicating that they weren't local. The man driving the coach was tall and dressed in a wizards robes, his pointed hat sat on the seat next to him. A second man, this one in armour with a large shield slung across his back, was leading the coach upon a large grey charger that trotted along like something out of a children's story. Behind the coach, bringing up the rear of the little procession was the hulking form of a Minotaur on foot, its long strides easily keeping pace with the horses, while its eyes scanned the treeline for any signs of danger.

Cow Girl could tell an Adventurer when she saw one, even without the pennant, and closer inspection picked out Guild tags hanging around each of their necks: Gold for the two humans, Sapphire for the Minotaur.

"Hello, my lady." the mounted Knight called out, bringing his horse to a stop just outside the gate, "Do I have the honour of addressing a wife of the Adventurer known as Goblin Slayer?"

"You do." Cow Girl stood, wiping the dirt from her hands onto the apron she was wearing, "I'm sorry, but I don't believe we have met. I am known as Cow Girl."

"My lady." The Knight bowed his head, "I am Lord Paladin. These are my friends and companions, Mage and Minotaur Blacksmith."

Cow Girl drew a breath: anyone who spent much time around Adventurers picked up bits of information, snippets of news from far-flung places. The most common gossip was, of course, the exploits of other Adventurers, especially those of some renown. As such she had known the names Lord Paladín and Mage long before she learned of their connection to her husband, and Guild Girl had spoken of her previous encounter with Minotaur Blacksmith. But to find them standing at her gate was very different.

"I take it from your reaction that your good husband has spoken of us, yes?" The Knight smiled, "We are actually here as escorts for someone who has business with one of your wives; the one know as High Elf Archer."

"She's inside, looking after the children." Cow Girl gestured towards the house, "Please, come in."

Lord Paladin signaled to Mage then dismounted, trying the reigns of his horse to the fence before walking to the carriage and opening the door. Cow Girl watched with interest as a tall, slender woman in the vestments of a cleric in the church of the Supreme God stepped out, holding what looked to be an infant in her arms. The women looked round, and Cow Girl caught sight of blond hair and a blindfold, and she realised that the visitor could only be Sword Maiden, the Archbishop from Water Town. Her eyes Flashed to the infant, her head running the maths, and she felt her blood run both cold and hot at the same time. She felt her fists clench as her face turned red with rage.

She drew in a deep breath, preparing to scream out her husbands True Name as loudly as she could, when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder.

"I know what you're thinking," Mage spoke softly, "but you're wrong."

Cow Girl had picked up a few words of High Elvish since her wedding; _hello, please, thank you, yes, no_ , and a few others that were only really suitable for the bedroom, but she'd also picked up several new and inventive curse words from her wife, and she unleashed them all then and there. Mage simply stood with a hand on her shoulder as she vented the anger that had so suddenly boiled up inside her like a volcano ready to erupt.

"So the child is not..." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "It is not Goblin Slayers?"

"No, it is not." Mage assured her, "Beyond that is not my place to say."

"Very well." Cow Girl did her best to rid herself of her anger, but could still feel it bubbling below the surface, "You had all best come inside."

"I think it's best if I stay outside." Minotaur Blacksmith chuckled, "I have a tendency to break small houses."

Opening the door, Cow Girl led the way into the cottage.

"We have guests." She called out, trying her best to keep her voice calm and devoid of any emotion.

"We do?" Guild Girl stepped out of the Kitchen where she'd been cleaning up after lunch, and blinked when she saw three strangers with Golden Guild tags around their necks.

She was about to question it when Goblin Slayer appeared in the doorway leading to her still under construction extension to the cottage, the work crew having taken a rest day. He looked at the three newcomers, recognising them all immediately, and tried to work out what they were all doing there.

"What's going on?" High Elf Archer stepped out of the nursery, Grace craddled in her arms. She took one look at the visitors and her jaw dropped open as she recognised Lord Paladín from a painting she had seen of him in the Capital before she set out on her quest to recruit Goblin Slayer.

"Lord Paladín, Mage." Goblin Slayer nodded to the two men who he hadn't seen in almost ten years, then the woman who was following behind them, "Sword Maiden."

"Goblin Slayer. High Elf Archer." The Archbishop nodded, then turned to the other two women, "And if you're Cow Girl, then you must be Guild Girl. I met a friend of yours, Female Knight, on the road here and she was good enough to describe the two of you to me."

"Your Grace." Guild Girl bowed her head, "You honour us with your visit."

"Beat we save that for later." Lord Paladín looked pained, "Is there somewhere we can all sit? Something tells me you're going to want to be sitting for this."

The seven of the made their way into the parlour, High Elf Archer's passing Grace to her mother, slightly unsure of just how she should feel around Sword Maiden given the nature of their last encounter. She deflected it by helping Goblin Slayer collecting chairs from the kitchen so that everyone had a seat, then joined her wives on the couch while Sword Maiden took the largest armchair, Goblin Slayer insisting that either Lord Paladín or Mage take the other. In the end Mage accepted the offered seat while Lord Paladín took one of the chairs from the kitchen, as did Goblin Slayer himself.

"The reason we are here is my son, Godfrey." Sword Maiden rocked her son in her arms, "Tell me: how much do the four of you know about the Ritual I performed for High Elf Archer and Goblin Slayer?"

"Not a great deal." Guild Girl admitted, starting to come to the smae conclusion that Cow Girl had, "It's supposed to help a Human and an Elf have a child. It's how Fawn was conceived."

"Indeed, that's essentially it." Sword Maiden nodded, "But... sometimes... sometimes the Gods and Goddesses have plans that we, their humble servants, can not hope to understand." She looked down at her son, "The Ritual worked... better than expected."

With that she let the blanket surrounding her son fall open, and her hosts got their first good look at him: he had his mothera golden hair, but the unmissably pointed ears of an Elf.

"I have examined the boy: he is, without a doubt, Sword Maidens son." Mage stood as he held up a strange device that looked like a magnifying glass that had a number of crystals embedded with it, "If you don't mind, I would like to run a few more on the suspected... farther." He turned to High Elf Archer, "With your permission, my dear?"

Stunned, the Ranger stood and allowed the sorcerer to hold the instrument over her, several of the crystals glowing in sequence, strange colours swirling around on the surface of the lense. Mage seemed deep in thought for what felt like an eternity, then slowly nodded.

"It is as we first thought." He slipped the device back into one of the pockets in his robes, "High Elf Archer is, indeed, Godfrey's... Sire."

"The Gods work in mysterious ways." Lord Paladín shook his head, "We truly do live in interesting times."

To say that Goblin Slayer and his wives were dumbfounded would have been an understatement of truly legendary proportions. High Elf Archer collapsed back onto the sofa, landing between a speechless Cow Girl and Guild Girl, while Goblin Slayer almost fell from his chair. He had seen and felt the effects of the Ritual for himself, had been enveloped by the blinding bright like that had announced the conception of his younger daughter, but even his knowledge of biology told him that what Mage was saying should be impossible. But the sorcerer had no reason to lie to them, nothing to gain from deception. He wasn't prideful by nature, and certainly wouldn't call Mage or Lord Paladín friends, or even really acquaintances, given how long it had been since he had last seen them. But he did know them to be men of the highest integrity, not prone to jokes or deceptions, and he could think of no situation where they would consider it necessary to mislead them.

If Mage said that Godfrey was the son of Sword Maiden and High Elf Archer, then he would accept it as the truth.

He looked at Sword Maiden; her face had slipped into the serene mask it usually portrayed to the world, and this time he was unable to see through it.

"Very well." he spoke softly, carefully measuring each and every syllable, "Now what?"

 **To Be Continued...**


	21. Coping Mechanisms

_We now return you to the scene already in progress_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty One: Coping Mechanisms**

"Very well." he spoke softly, carefully measuring each and every syllable, "Now what?"

His words hung heavily in the air.

High Elf Archer sat between her wives, looking at the child she had somehow... she didn't know the right word in either High Elvish or Common, but that didn't seem to matter, as she was still coming to terms with the idea that she had a son. A child she'd no idea had even been conceived, and was carried and birthed by another woman. Such a thing should, by all her understanding of the world, be impossible.

Oh, she'd heard the old human legend of a princess who'd been cursed to sleep forever, and was raped by a Prince who left her with a son. It was only after the child was born and set to suckle at her chest that she'd awoken to discover all that had happened, but even then, she had carried the child herself, not impregnated another woman.

"How?" She asked, only just able to get a single word out.

"Well, we're still not entirely sure about that." Mage admitted, pulling a small book from somewhere inside his robe and opening it to a bookmarked page, "I've studded the Ritual in as much depth as I can without actually reenacting it, and based upon what Sword Maiden told me... well, it's possible that the Gods misunderstood your, um, actions, or they may just have an odd sense to humour."

"Great punchline." Guild Girl responded dryly.

It had taken her some time to accept what had taken place in Water Town. Seeing High Elf Archer so excited when she'd been told that she was indeed pregnant went a long way towards healing the rift between them, as had holding Fawn in her arms for the first time. But now all those emotions had been brought back to the for with the sudden and unexpected news that her wife had a son none of them had known about.

"I did not come here to cause trouble for your family." Sword Maiden did her best to sound reassuring, "I simply...people are going to talk, once I return to Water Town, and word will spread about the Archbishop who allowed herself to fall pregnant outside of marriage. Some are going to want to discover the identity of Godfrey's father, and if they did deep enough, they'll discover that the only Elf at the temple around the time I fell pregnant was..."

"Me." High Elf Archer finished for her.

"You." the Archbishop nodded, "I don't expect for a moment that they will guess the truth, but..." she hesitated, "Life in the Church is... complicated. There are those who opposed my rising to such a high position given that I entered the priesthood later than most. Others feel that my previous life as an Adventurer, and close... friendship, with the king, leave my dedication to the church above all others, questionable. They will look for any excuse to remove me, and when they discover that you fell pregnant after your visit..."

"They'll figure out the truth." Guild Girl frowned as she reached out for her wife's hand and squeezed it.

"Or enough of it to cause trouble." Lord Paladín grimaced, "I have spent my lifetime keeping out of politics, even after being promoted to the Head of my Order. It is an arena within which I am completely unarmed. As such, there is little I can do to protect any of you from what may come."

"Is there another option?" Cow Girl asked, her voice full of hope.

"Tell the truth: tell them that you performed a ritual to help your friends, and the Gods decided to...take things a step further." Guild Girls voice was surpringly calm, "You don't have to give them all the details: I'm sure they'll fill them in for themselves, but don't give them anything to dig up." she looked around the room at the shocked expressions on the faces of the others, "My father is a man of influence and power: I learned a lot by staying quiet and letting him talk when he forgot I was there."

"Downside being that some may assume that I have... extra parts." High Elf Archer doubled over and put her head between her knees "Is it me, or is the room spinning?"

Cow Girl and Guild Girl both reached out and rubbed their wife's shoulders reassuringly.

"If I may ask a question?" Goblin Slayer spoke up, "What part do you want High Elf Archer to play in her sons life?"

All eyes turned to look at him, then Sword Maiden.

"I...honestly hadn't given it much thought." She admitted, "Assuming we do go public with their... connection, I guess it would be up to her."

All eyes moved to the Elf, who was still bent double.

"I think we've talked enough for the time being." Mage stood, "If you'll allow me the use of your kitchen, I'll make some tea for everyone."

High Elf Archer stood, and hugging herself, left the room.

"I'll go." Guild Girl stood and followed her wife.

She found her in the nursery, sat in a large rocking chair, holding Fawn in her arms, crying. Kneeling down beside her, she started stroking the Elf's hair.

"I'm so sorry." the Ranger sobbed, "I never..."

"It's OK: it's not your fault." Guild Girl assured her, "You had no way of knowing this could happen. Nobody did."

"...would you be so forgiving if I had? Would you forgive Orcbolg if _he_ had had sex with Sword Maiden, and Godfrey was _his_ son?"

"... I would be lying if I said yes." Guild Girl admitted, "It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened between you and Sword Maiden, but I have, and we now have a beautiful daughter, a sister that Grace can grow up with."

"How did it all get so complicated?" High Elf Archer asked.

"When we decided that we'd all marry the same man." Cow Girl stood in the doorway, arms wrapped around herself, "We thought we'd found a way of cheating the dice. Is it so hard to imagine that there'd be a price to pay?"

"If a little unexpected news every now and then is the price we have to pay for what we have, then I for one pay it gladly." Guild Girl smiled, "I wouldn't give up what we have for anything."

"You really mean that?" the Ranger asked, hope creeping back into her voice.

"We all knew that this marriage was going to be...unusual, going in." Cow Girl crossed the room and knelt on the opposite side of the Elf to Guild Girl, "OK, so this is a little stranger than we anticipated, but what's one more unexpected pregnancy between wives?"

The redhead put her arms around the Elf, gesturing for Guild Girl to follow suit from the other side, enveloping the still crying Adventurer between them.

* * *

"I wondered where you had gotten to." Lord Paladín strode out the back of the cottage to where Goblin Slayer was splitting logs with a large axe, "Working out a little frustration?"

"Yes." the notoriously stoic Adventurer responded as the axe came down again, turning one log into two with a loud crack.

"You know, I never pegged you for the domestic type." the Gold ranked Knight sat on a packing crate, "You always seemed so...obsessed with goblins."

"Yes." Goblin Slayer agreed as he placed another log on the old tree stump and raised the axe over his head.

"Indeed, I think today is the most I've ever heard you say."

"Yes."

The axe dropped, splitting wood.

"You know, Burglar asked me if I thought you had what it took to be an Adventurer."

"Yes?"

"Indeed. I told him that you might surprise us all."

Goblin Slayer simply grunted as he replaced the log and prepared the axe.

"You know, it's kind of amazing that you managed to make not one, but three beautiful, charming and intelligent women fall in love with you."

Swing. Crack.

"Not only fall in love with you, but accept being part of an... unconventional marriage just to be with you. And then they have your children."

Goblin Slayer put the head of the axe on the ground and lent on the handle.

"You have a point?" he asked.

"You're a very lucky man, all things considered." Lord Paladín looked around the small courtyard, "All this, from hunting goblins!"

"Sold a battle-axe."

"Yes, I ran into Thunder Warrior recently. He seems very happy with it."

"Good."

"Look, the thing is, you can't blame your wife _or_ Sword Maiden for what happened..."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Blame them." Goblin Slayer resumed cutting wood, "Never said I did."

"Well...good." Lord Paladín stood, "Glad we had this talk."

Goblin Slayer simply kept cutting wood as the other man walked away.

 **To Be Continued...**


	22. Two Conversations On A Theme

_In which Goblin Slayer gets a little drunk and Sword Maiden admits a few secrets_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty Two: Two Conversations On A Theme**

Night fell uneasily upon the cottage.

Sword Maiden had been offered and taken the guest room, while Lord Paladín and Mage had set themselves up in the parlor, insisting that they were more than comfortable enough. For his part, Minotaur Blacksmith had proclaimed the barn a veritable Palace compared to some of the places he'd had to sleep in the past and soon set about making himself comfortable.

Goblin Slayer walked around the building, supposedly checking for signs of goblins, but knowing full well that they'd stay well clear of the scent of a Minotaur. Still, he checked all the usual spots, sword and shield in hand, before slowly making his way back to the cottage.

"A man with three beautiful wives who chose to spend his evening looking for something he knows won't be there is a man with a lot on his mind." Minotaur Blacksmiths voice carried from the shadows of the barn, "One might think he was avoiding something."

"One might." Goblin Slayer admitted, stepping into the barn and lighting a small lamp, being careful to fully extinguish the match.

"Indeed, one might say that he's received some news that's playing on his mind."

"One might."

"You've never been one for a philosophical conversation, have you?"

"...it has been commented on, yes."

"So, what exactly is it that's keeping you from your bed and your wives?" Minotaur Blacksmith gestured to an old barrel, "And for the love of all that's good in this world, don't say 'goblins'."

"I'm not sure." Goblin Slayer admitted, sitting on the barrel and resheathing his sword, "I'm still new to talking about my feelings."

"Well, I'm 76 years old, and I've walked from one side of this kingdom to the other, seen the great Western Ocean, the mountains of ice in the frozen North, the Sea of Sand to the south and the endless Steppes of the East where my people roam all the way to where the trade caravans bearing spices and silks from distant lands arive. And in all those travels, you're far from the first man I've met who's wife has had a child by another... admittedly they're normally the ones giving birth."

"How did they cope?"

"Depends upon the man. Some turn to drink, some to anger, all too many both. Some leave their wives and never talk of them again, while others forgive and try to forget. You... you have to decide which one you are."

"I don't drink, I'm not angry and I'm not going anywhere."

"So you intend to forgive and forget?"

"There's nothing to forgive: High Elf Archer did nothing wrong."

"Ah, so it's the forgetting part that's troubling you."

"She has a son with Sword Maiden. How am I supposed to forget he exists?"

"That there is a good question." Minotaur Blacksmith reached into his pack and pulled out a bottle of rich, amber liquid, "This whiskey is almost as old as I am." he pulled the stopper out with his teeth and spat it away before taking a deep drink, then offered it to his companion, "You might not drink, but you need one."

Goblin Slayer took the offered bottle and drank down a swollow, the rich, smoky liquor burning its way down his throat.

"I don't have any children of my own; least, none I know of, so I can't say I understand how you feel." the Minotaur admitted, "But... I can't blame you for feeling conflicted."

"Is this the part where you give me advice? Because Lord Paladín already tried that."

"No, this is the part where I give you the whiskey that I've been hiding from Mage, you ungrateful little bastard!" Minotaur Blacksmith chuckled, "No, I just want to make sure that you're not going to do anything that you later regret."

"I'm not leaving my family." Goblin Slayer took another deep drink of the whiskey before handing it back, "And I'd die before I hurt them."

"Good. Good." the Minotaur downed half the bottle in a single gulp, "Just don't get too angry with the Gods, either: last thing we need is you turning into a Non-Praying Character."

* * *

High Elf Archer stood looking down into the cot that held Fawn and Godfrey and tried to reconcile her feelings. She had carried Fawn, felt her growing and moving inside her, then given birth to her, nurses her and cares for her. She loved her daughter, same as she did those brought into the world by her wives: it did not matter to her who their mother was, they were living embodyments of the love that bound their little family together, and she would burn the world down to protect them.

But then there was Godfrey, a child that was as much her as Fawn was, and while she felt the same protective instincts she had for any child, she did not feel the love she had for the others, even those who were not her blood. There was a faint echo of that connection when she looked at him, but it wasn't the same. It felt different in a way she didn't have the words for.

"Oh, I'm sorry." a soft voice, little more than a whisper, came from the doorway and the Ranger looked over her shoulder to see Sword Maiden standing there dressed in a robe that only just covered her form.

The Archbishop had already been the most buxom woman High Elf Archer had ever met, and pregnancy had only enhanced her natural assets even further. Somehow she'd managed to regain her almost hourglass figure in the few short weeks since her sons birth, and the Ranger couldn't help but remember just what she'd looked like the night their children had been conceived. She tried to push the memory out of her head, but it remained, none the less.

"I couldn't sleep." High Elf Archer turned back to look at the children, hoping that whatever strange gift that allowed the other woman to see despite having been blind for most of her life had picked up on the flushed look she could feel on her face.

"I often watch him sleep when I myself can not." Sword Maiden closed the door and crossed the room to stand beside the Elf, "No matter what troubles fill my mind, just looking at him makes them fade away."

High Elf Archer remained silent at first, not sure if she could trust herself to speak, but ultimately felt compelled to.

"Why did you come here?" she asked softly, "The truth, this time."

"You're the first, the only, person I've ever made love with." the cleric admitted, "While many consider me desirable, there is always the fact that my chastity was stolen by goblins. Goblins, the weakest of monsters an Adventurer can face, killed those I was with and used me as their plaything."

"You're far from the first young woman to suffer such a fate."

"But I asked you, one Adventurer to another, do you ever wonder what happens to the women you save?"

"I... Priestess said that many join the church, seeking solace and protection in their religion. Others return home and try to rebuild their lives. Some succeed, others... Don't."

"People look at you differently after you've been taken by goblins, doubly so when they think you can't see them. They talk about you, but not to you, as if you had died or went away." Sword Maidens face became a mask "Oh, not everyone's like that: there are plenty of good people in the world who want to help you, but there are still those who consider you... tainted, unclean." she turned to look at High Elf Archer, "Your husband was the first person who really understood how I felt, what I'd been through, and for that I will always love him, even if I know that he will never look at me as he does you or your wives. But you... you also looked at me as a woman, someone to be desired, and not _inspite_ of what happened to me, but because that's simply how you saw me. And for that, you too will always hold a special place in my heart."

High Elf Archer stood frozen, suddenly very aware of the fact that she was naked under her thin robe. As a people, Elves didn't understand the need for sleepwear any more than they did underclothes, and she slept naked every night. Cow Girl was very much the same, all be it from a position of not seeing the point of making extra laundry just to have something to sleep in. The very idea had scandalised Guild Girl when they first married, and she still insisted on going to bed in a cotton gown, which more often than not ended up in a heap on the floor beside the bed before the night was though.

As such she was use to walking around her home naked, especially in the evenings when they were less likely to receive unexpected visitors. She was proud of her body, which was quickly returning to its former state after the birth of her daughter, and was not opposed to putting it on show for her husband and wives. Her only concession to their current house guests was the simple robe that only just covered enough to be decent, and then only seemed to enhance what she already had. Under normal circumstances, it would be more than enough to ensure that she had a sleepless night for a very different reason, but right then nd there, it made her feel decidedly self-conscious given just how similarly dressed Sword Maiden was.

"I... I don't regret what happened between us," she stuttered, "but I made a vow to Orcbolg and our wives."

"And I am not looking to try and break you up, as enjoyable as that might be." Sword Maiden admitted, "But you are... the other parent of my child, and for that, I will always feel... close to you."

"I... I really should get back to bed." High Elf Archer broke away and headed for the door, her heart pounding in her chest, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Sword Maiden smiled as the other woman hurried away, "Sweet dreams, my love."

 **To Be Continued...**

 _Bet a lot of you are wishing this story was M not T right now, because yeah, I really considered going there..._


	23. Cold Light Of Dawn

_So I've been a bit unwell and not sleeping much, so I've been too spaced out to right much these last few days, hence the longer than usual wait for a new chapter_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty Three: Cold Light Of Dawn**

Goblin Slayer woke with a hangover, a side effect of Minotaur Blacksmiths whiskey, but he was surprised to see that High Elf Archer was already up and out checking the farm for any signs of goblin activity. Even with his admittedly limited experience at reading people, he could tell that she wasn't coping well with the unexpected news of Godfrey's birth, but he didn't have a clue as to how best broach the subject with her. He wasn't even sure how to handle his own emotions on the matter, so he hoped that either Cow Girl or Guild Girl would take the lead at breaking the Ranger out of her funk.

Dressing in his customary armour, he ventured out, deciding that the least he could do was help her.

Mush to his surprise, he found her in a small meadow that was separated from the rest of the farm by a small group of trees, sitting on the grass, her bow laying forgotten to one side. He could tell that she'd been crying, but had no idea how to comfort her, or if he should even try. For want of anything better to do, he knelt down beside her as gently as he could then froze when suddenly collapsed onto his lap. He looked down at her for a moment then a memory Flashed before his eyes, and he tentatively stroked her hair as Cow Girl had once his.

"I screwed up, Orcbolg." the Elf's voice was soft, and he could tell that she'd been crying.

"You did nothing wrong." he did his best to sound reassuring.

"If I hadn't asked Sword Maiden to perform the Ritual..."

"Then we wouldn't have Fawn."

"But I..."

" _We:_ I agreed to the Ritual."

"How do you do it?" High Elf Archer asked rolling over so she could look up at him, "How are you so fearless all the time?"

There was a moment of silence, Goblin Slayers hand hanging suspended in mid-air.

"...I'm afraid all of the time." he admitted, his voice a thin rasp, "Afraid that I'm not a good enough husband, that I won't be a good enough father. Afraid that I'll die in some random goblin cave somewhere and leave you all alone."

"But...you never show it."

"That's because I have the three of you there beside me." his hand came down to cup the side of her face, "You are my rock, my strength."

"I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be once word gets out. People already look at as with scorne and disgust because of our marriage. When they learn that I, for want of a better word, fathered a child with another woman...people may ask if Grace, Jacob and Eugene are even yours."

"They're obviously human, and people will find other things to talk about in time."

" _Gam zeh ya'avor_."

"I do not understand."

"It's a very old saying, the origin of which is lost even to my people, but it translates into the common tough as 'this too shall pass'."

"Wise words."

"When did our lives get so complicated?"

"The day you, Cow Girl and Guild Girl cornered me and told me that the four of us were getting married."

"True."

The pair lapsed into silence for a while, simply enjoying the relative silence of the spring morning.

* * *

Cow Girl made her way back to the cottage, having helped milk the cows then lead them out to the pasture. Her uncle and the two new farmhands, still going by Staff Fighter and Female Rogue, were perfectly capable of doing it without her, but she enjoyed the work: it gave her a sense of accomplishment that simply staying at home and looking after the children full time wouldn't have.

A delivery was due in town, but it was Guild Girls day off, so she had agreed to watch the children and carry out her share of the chores in the morning, then head into town to do some shopping after Cow Girl returned around lunchtime. They had agreed, somewhat reluctantly, that High Elf Archer had recovered enough from having Fawn that she could look for a low-level Quest to get herself back in the game. And the truth was with four children and the work being done on the house, they needed the extra income. They weren't in danger of going into debt, but the budget was far tighter than they would have liked.

Goblin Slayer had broached the idea of Pledging himself to one of the nobles responsible for administering the Frontier: he would have ensured them a regular income, but it would have tied him to the whims of a man he had never met, required to serve whenever called upon in whatever capacity the Lord demanded. That could be anything from acting as the local sherrif, to enforcing taxes and even joining the local militia should they be needed. Few Adventurers were willing to take such a burden upon themselves under anything but the direst of circumstances, as too many had been turned into little more than hired thugs of a distant authority. His wives had quickly forbidden him from even considering it: too much work had been put into rehabilitating him in the eyes of the local people and his fellow Adventurers to just throw it all away like that. Money might have been tight, but it wasn't _that tight_.

Still, it was good to have something she could control to concentrate on.

Things had been tence the night before. While not every night ended up with some depraved orgy, despite what a lot of people in town liked to think, the four of them were usual at least affectionate, even if it was just a few kisses and gentle caressing as they got ready for bed. And they'd talk; things that had happened during the day, their plans for the next, whatever little things cropped into their minds. But the night before had been silent, the four of them hardly even acknowledging the others as they changed quickly before climbing into bed. Goblin Slayers place was centre left, leaving the rest of the bed for his wives, and usually two would sleep on his right, one on his left, taking it in turns to rotate between the three.

But that night had been anything but usual.

Despite what had been said earlier in the day, things were still far from back to normal between them. It was less the things that were said, but rather those left unsaid. And while it was true that she and Guild Girl still loved High Elf Archer, the strain that had been put on their relationship after her confession over what had happened in Water Town had still not fully healed. Having Sword Maiden show up unannounced with a second child born of that night... Old wounds had been ripped open once again. And while they hadn't lied to the Elf when they told her that they did not blame her for what had happened, there were still some very strong and confusing emotions that they needed to deal with, a process that would take time.

In the end, High Elf Archer had taken the space on the far left, leaving room for Goblin Slayer once he returned from his patrol of the farm. Much to the surprise of both of her wives, Guild Girl took Goblin Slayers spot, wrapping her arms around the Ranger, inviting Cow Girl to spoon her from behind. She did as she was instructed, reaching across the brunette to take the Elf's hand with her own, holding the three of them together.

But despite their physical closeness, they were still distant.

Cow Girl had drifted off into a fitful sleep, waking at some point to discover that High Elf Archer had left, but Goblin Slayer had taken the empty spot behind her. Guild Girl had turned over so that the two of them were face to face, embracing like lovers in their sleep. She contemplated trying to get up without waking her two bedfellows, but she couldn't see a way to detangle herself without causing too much movement, especially given how light a sleeper Goblin Slayer was. Instead she tried to calm herself by remembering that High Elf Archer had no doubt gone to check on the children, something they were all prone to do if they woke in the night. Feeding all four alone was physically impossible, so if they were all hungry, it was a question of which of the other wives was the easiest to wake to help.

Witch had bought them a contraption that would not have looked out of place in a torture chamber that was supposed to help, and all three of them had sworn to get their revenge when she had her first-born.

She had been at the point of falling back asleep when High Elf Archer had all but bolted into the room, slamming the door shut so loud Cow Girl was surprised that it didn't wake Goblin Slayer. The Ranger was dressed in the robe she used on the rare occasion they had house guests, but her usually happy-go-lucky expression had been replaced by one of confusion and concern. Cow Girl raised her head, and inquisitive look on her face, but the Adventurer almost jumped into bed, grabbing Guild Girl like a drowning man thrown a roap. The redhead reached out to her wife, and was surprised to discover that she was shivering, even though the cottage was reasonably warm. The Elf buried her face in the brunettes hair, almost as if she was trying to hide from something.

A momentary pang of fear stabbed Cow Girl through the heart, concerned that something had happened to one of the children, but then she heard footsteps in the hallway that stopped momentarily outside their room before continuing on to the guest room next door. They were far too soft to be Lord Paladín or Mage, and that left only Sword Maiden. The sound of the footsteps seemed to strike High Elf Archer with an almost physical force, and Cow Girl couldn't help but wonder just what had been said to affect her so.

But it was the middle of the night, and some things were best left for the morning, so she simply held her wives and sort the solace of sleep.

Waking with the rising sun, she discovered that High Elf Archer had already left to inspect the property for signs of goblin activity during the night, while their husband was adjusting the straps on his armour. Leaving Guild Girl to sleep a little longer, Cow Girl had checked on the children before washing herself and dressing. She wanted to ask High Elf Archer about the night before, but something told her that it was a conversation best kept until they had a moment alone. While there were no secrets between the four of them, sometimes it was best to talk things out individually.

Something had happened, something beyond the shocking revelation that High Elf Archer and Sword Maiden had a child, and Cow Girl intended to get to the bottom of it before it tore their family apart.

 **To Be Continued...**


	24. Everything Old Is New Again

_We're coming to the end of this particular story arc, and the normal lighthearted misadventures will resume shortly_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty Four: Everything Old Is New Again**

Cow Girl smiled to herself as she pulled the old hand-cart down the familiar lane leading into town. Spring was in the air, the warmth of the sun already chasing away the chill of winter as life started to return to the countryside. The call of birds and the hum of insects filled the air, reminding everyone that summer would soon be upon them. Glancing to her right, she looked at her husband: he had deliberately shortened his long stride to keep pace with the cart, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. Even so close to home, he was ever vigilante.

"Why don't you go on ahead." she suggested, keeping her voice light and merry, "You wouldn't want some freshly minted Porcelain ranked Adventurer to take all the goblin related quests."

Goblin Slayer grunted in response, tilting his head slightly to the side.

"It's OK, Orcbolg." High Elf Archer assured him from her place beside Cow Girl, her bow slung over her back as she helped pull the cart, "We'll be fine."

"Very well." Their husband nodded, "I will see you at the Guild Hall."

With that, he turned and strode off down the road, his long legs quickly putting him far ahead, and he vanished around the next bend.

"So," Cow Girl did her best to sound jovial and non judgemental, "about last night..."

"I think Sword Maiden is in love with me." the Elf looked straight ahead, "She all but said she'd like to take me away from you."

"Well, I can't fault her taste in women." the farmer smiled, "But if she upsets you like that again, I'll scratch her eyes out, Gold ranked Adventurer or not."

"Is it wrong that I'd kind of like to see that?" The Ranger managed a faint smile.

The two slipped into silence for a while, until High Elf Archer found her voice again.

"There's going to be... trouble, when word gets out about Godfrey and my...relationship to him." She looked down at the road, "People are going to talk."

"I'm in a polygamous relationship with a man many consider little more than a violent psychopath, a 2,000-year old Elf and the sweetest woman in the world." Cow Girl laughed, "People are already taking. It's nothing I can't handle."

"I'm not sure Guild Girl feels the same."

"She's dealing with it in her own way, as am I. I'm sure she doesn't hold it against you, but she still needs to get her head around it. We all do. Gods, you managed to get another woman pregnant: that's a lot to take in. Not to mention the question of if you'd be able to do it again..."

"You'd consider carrying my child?"

"I'd be lying if I said it was something I'd even considered a possibility before yesterday, but I can't see why it's any different from having Goblin Slayers: I love you both, and having a physical manifestation of that love would be... interesting."

"And you call me the kinky one?"

"I will keep saying it as many times as I have to: we love each other and nothing is going to change that." the redhead assured her wife, "Do I need to stop this cart, take you into the bushes and have my wicked way with you to prove that?"

"A tempting offer, but no. Not right now." High Elf Archer actually blushed at the idea, "You said yourself that your uncle has business in town today, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for giving him a heart attack."

"There's the playful imp I fell in love with." Cow Girl placed one hand over the Rangers, "Come on: you now how grumpy Lizard Priest gets whe the cheese delivery is late."

Reassured in their relationship, the two women continued down the road into town.

* * *

The Guild Hall fell silent as Goblin Slayer stepped through the door. That itself wasn't uncommon, but what was was the fact that everyone seemed to be more interested to see if he was alone or if he had company. Once it became clearer that he did not, the general hubbub of conversion continued.

"Appologies, Goblin Slayer." Inspector stood behind the desk, a somewhat fixed smile upon her face, "Female Knight said that you were expecting...visitors."

"I see." his voice was soft.

"It's just not that often that we see three Gold ranked Adventurers pass through town." the young womans eyes darted around the room, "It got people talking..."

That was understandable, given just how much attention Thunder Warriors visit had gotten, and he was only a single Gold ranked Adventurer, and not even an overlay well known one at that. Lord Paladín and Mage had fought in the War of the Dragon King, had survived the Fields of Fire and come out as legends. It was understandable that news of their passing would be a topic of much discussion, especially given that they were travelling in the company of Sword Maiden, a third Gold ranked Adventurer and Archbishop in the Church of the Supreme God of Law and Order.

Compared to them, Minotaur Blacksmith probably wasn't even worth mentioning, being only a Sapphire.

"I see." Goblin Slayer repeated, "Are there any goblin quests today?"

"Just the one." Inspector placed the paperwork on the desk, but kept her hand on it, stopping him from simply taking it, "I have to ask: is there anything going on that the Guild should know about?"

Goblin Slayer looked her in the eye, trying to read her: Guild Girl had said that her colleague had a remarkable poker face, and he could well believe it, and he wasn't able to tell if her enquiry was personal or professional in nature. He could well understand both, given how unheard of it was for Adventurers like Lord Paladín and Mage to travel to the Frontier without good reason, and certainly not without the Guild being made aware first. That meant that they were operating independently, and that was something that the Guild always paid special attention to: their power and authority stemmed from the fact that they and they alone regulated the payment and ranking of the countless Adventurers in the Kingdom, collecting their dues from the agreed upon rewards and ensuring that records were kept.

Before the founding of the Guild, Adventurers had been independent, free to take whatever quests they liked and demanding whatever they wanted in return. This had led to many unscrupulous individuals and groups effectively holding towns to ransom, refusing to deal with a threat unless an exorbitant fee was paid. The formation of the Adventurers Guild, under a Royal Charter, had put a stop to that, as they had the power to call in the Army to deal with any Adventurers who broke the rules and refused to accept their due sanction. And as powerful as any Adventurer may become, they were a mouse before the lion that was the State.

But Lord Paladín and Mage were no normal Adventurers: one headed the largest and most prestigious Order of Knights in the Kingdom, while the other sat upon the Sorcerers Council, making him one of the most powerful and influential practitioners of magic on the entire continent. Between them the wielded enough power to rival that of the Guild itself, and any move against them would have political consequences at the very least, meaning that the Guild might hesitate to censure them. If they began to operate outside of the Guild, and were able to do so without facing any consequences, people might begin to question what good was it after all?

"No, nothing at all." Goblin Slayer shook his head.

Inspector nodded, her ability to tell when anyone was lying to her or otherwise withholding the truth allowing her to see that he was telling her the truth as best he knew it, and that was good enough for her.

"There's a village to the south-east of here that's suffered a number of goblin raids." she explained, releasing the Quest details to him, "They've all been dealt with, including once by you, according to our records, but they've apparently decided to get proactive and want someone to clear out the old mine the goblins always use as their nest and collapse it once and for all."

"I see." Goblin Slayer examined the document, then quickly placed it down, "Does Priestess know?"

"No, she hasn't been in yet today." Inspector shook her head, confused, then reexamined the particulars of the quest, and the light of realisation bloomed behind her eyes, "Oh my..."

"Yes." Goblin Slayer nodded, "That's the old mine where I first met her: where two of her original party died and the third was taken by the goblins."

 **To Be Continued...**


	25. Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

_The start of this chapter probably should have been part of the last one, but I just didn't have it straight in my mind at the time, so here it is now_

 **Married Life**

 **Chapter Twenty Five: Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow**

Guild Girl stood by the kitchen sink, drying the last of the plates used for breakfast.

To an outside observer, she may have appeared to be completely focused on the task at hand, but those who knew her best could tell when she was deep in thought, her body working almost automatically, without need of conscious input. Cow Girl often joked about how she could 'be there, yet not be there', but it was a useful skill that had served her well, allowing her to rise up through the ranks of the Adventurers Guild burocracy at an almost unprecedented rate.

Right then and there, it allowed her time to think.

It was no secret that she'd been angry when High Elf Archer had admitted to what had happened in Water Town. Not the Fertility Rite itself; that had brought Fawn into their lives, and that was something Guild Girl would be eternally thankful for, but there was the issue of her wife's infidelity. Having met Sword Maiden, she could understand any attraction that the Ranger had felt, but that didn't mean that she had to act upon it. Under most circumstances, the Green-haired Adventurer was impulsive, yes, but she was never one to take a promise lightly, so for her to have broken her wedding vows was almost unthinkable. But she had, and it was something that Guild Girl had finally come to accept and even forgive.

Then Sword Maiden had turned up at their door with the child that had been conceived that night.

If she was being completely honest with herself, Guild Girl would have to admit that she had at first assumed that Goblin Slayer had lied to them, that he had indeed had sex with the blond Archbishop. More than one married Adventurer had strayed from their wife while on the road; the Guild Academy had even offered a course on how to deal with such a situation, and on occasion these indiscretions resulted in a bastard being left at the Guild Hall. Most were passed on to the Temple run orphanage, but a few were claimed by their fathers, most often if their wives had been unable to fall pregnant themselves. But even then, there were always arguments, screaming and crying to deal with.

Given how utterly uninterested Goblin Slayer had been in women before their wedding, and the fact that he normally had High Elf Archer to keep him from straying, Guild Girl had allowed herself to assume that it was a situation that they would never find themselves in.

The Gods truly did have an odd sense of humour if this was their idea of a joke. But joke or not, it was the reality that they were faced with, and that was something Guild Girl was going to have to deal with. She was angry, yes, but not at her husband or wife, and if she was again being perfectly honest, not with Sword Maiden, who'd done nothing wrong beyond giving into her primal instincts. And Guild Girl wasn't going to condemn anyone from finding either of her wives desirable. And she wasn't angry with Godfrey, who was perhaps the only truly innocent person in the whole debacle. No, she was angry at the Gods for making her and her family the butt of their joke, but a lifetime of going to Temple regularly had left her with the knowledge that the Gods never did anything without reason, even if it was beyond human understanding.

Still, the mere presence of Sword Maiden in her house was putting a strain on every one, and she hoped that the Archbishop and her companions would be leaving soon.

Looking out the window, she could see Lord Paladín and Mage loading up the carriage for the journey to Water Town, while Minotaur Blacksmith was helping the workmen unload a cart full of timber intended for the expansion to the house, his massive physical strength making short work of the task. Guild Girl made a mental note to submit a report on him to the Guild: it was wrong for him to be held back at Sapphire due to his species when he was obviously far more noble and capable than many Ruby or Bronze Adventurers. If it was up to her, she would have elevated him all the way to Silver, but she knew the internal politics of the Guild well enough to know that such a rapid promotion would be impossible.

Still, he deserved at least some recognition.

"Goodmorning." Sword Maidens voice called out from the doorway, and Guild Girl turned to face the woman who had brought such confusion and chaos to her previously happy home.

"Goodmorning." She returned the greeting, keeping her voice as calm and pleasant as she could under the circumstances.

"I just wanted to let you know that we should be ready to leave before noon." The Archbishop managed to somehow look and sound regale despite how much of her skin was exposed by her robes of office, her pregnancy only extenuating what nature had seen fit to bless her with, "I was hoping that the others would return so we could say our goodbyes in person."

"I see." Guild Girl nodded politely.

"I don't know when I'll be able to come back this way, and, well, you know the life of an Adventurer: no way of telling if they'll be anywhere near Water Town again in the near future."

"I see."

"Your husband is starting to rub off on you."

"If you say so."

"You don't like me, do you?"

"I feel indifferent towards you as a person." Guild Girl admitted, putting down the washcloth and turning to face the other woman, "I don't like what your coming here has done to my family."

"I understand." Sword Maiden nodded, "You don't have to be able to see to pick up on the atmosphere: your wife slept with me, someone outside your marriage, and that angers you."

"You're also the only reason why I have a second, beautiful daughter, so I feel... conflicted. And yes, I consider Fawn as much my daughter as I do Grace; I've bathed her, changed her and nursed her, same as I have Jacob and Eugene."

"I have to admit, when I first heard of your... unconventional marriage, I did wonder how things like that would work out."

"I see."

"I think I understand." Sword Maiden bowed her head, "I will admit that my coming here was not entirely without an agenda, given my personal history with your husband and wife. They mean a lot to me, they always will: I hope you realise just how happy you are to have them in your life, to have their love."

"I do, and I thanks the Gods for that every day."

"Good." Sword Maiden nodded, "Goodbye, and thank you for allowing us to stay in your home."

"Goodbye." Guild Girl turned back to the sink and the washing, ignoring the other woman as she left.

* * *

High Elf Archer entered the Guild Hall to find her husband deep in conversation with Inspector, Dwarf Shaman, Lizard Priest and Witch, something that surprised her somewhat. They all looked round when they heard the door open, but went right back to their conversation when they saw who it was.

Not exactly the greeting she was hoping for on her first day back.

"I still think it's... too risky." Witch looked unusually serious, "May prove...too stressful."

"I agree." Lizard Priest rubbed his long snout with one hand, "If we do encounter goblins, and she freezes up..."

"But what if we refuse to take her?" Goblin Slayer asked, "How will she take that?"

"What's going on?" High Elf Archer asked, slipping in at her husbands side.

"There's a Quest to destroy an old mine often taken over by goblins." Dwarf Shaman held out the job-sheet, "It's the same mine where Beard Cutter first met Priestess."

"Oh?" the Ranger took the offered paper, and the realisation struck, "Oh..."

"Indeed." Goblin Slayer nodded.

"We've been trying to decide if it's better to give her the opportunity to face her past, or make her sit it out." Inspector explained, a pained expression on her face, "I honestly have no idea how she'd react."

"Who'd react to what?" a soft and cheerful voice asked, and everyone turned around to see Priestess standing before them.

The assembled Adventurers and Guild officials looked at each other uncomfortably for a moment, each hoping that one of the others would speak first.

"There's a Quest." High Elf Archer took a deep breath, "It's at the mine where... you first met Orcbolg."

"I see." Priestess nodded, "May I see the request?"

The Ranger handed over the somewhat crumpled piece of paper, which the young cleric read carefully.

"We'd understand if you didn't want to go." Lizard Priest assured her, "No one would think any less of you."

Priestess examined the Quest, her face unreadable.

"We'll take the job." High Elf Archer turned to Inspector, "But I'd like to post a Quest of my own: one gold coin for any Adventurer or Party willing to act as Priestess escorts. They don't have to be a part of our Quest, but if at any point she feels she can't continue or starts to freeze up, they see her safely out of the mine and back here."

"I think I can... guarantee that...someone will take that job." Witch smiled, clocking her head to where Spearman sat, suddenly looking like someone had poured ice water down his back.

"I'll get the paperwork sorted for you." Inspector smiled, "Good luck to you all."

 **To Be Continued...**


End file.
